Fun Fake News -- A Satire of the New Dawn of Yellow Journalism

Much can be said about the fine art and craft of that high society intellectual snooty Satire…I see. I’ve lost you already. Well, you can rest assured that you will not find any of that nonsense here, just Fun Fake News (FFN). WARNING: THIS IS NOT REAL NEWS, ONLY A VERY REAL PARODY OF IT. All characters and places named here are fictitious. Any similarity of person(s) living or dead is purely coincidental. Copyright © 2022 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

One-Hundred Very, Very, So Very French Women Say “Time’s Up” for “#METOO”?

"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket?
Or are you just happy to see me?"

By Robert W. Armijo

Are you surprised that blow-back against the anti-sexual harassment “Time’s Up” and “#METOO” movements would originate from

France

Really?!

What would you expect from the country that created the sexy French Maid uniform, legitimized mistresses, literally invented a new way of kissing, which everyone in the world calls – what else --French kissing; the threesome and let’s not forget the one to two yards long phallic symbol baguette and French Fries -- The Irish had been boiling potatoes for a century and never, ever thought of frying them.

“We are French women! We must stand up like Joan of Arc and protect our overly sexually aggressive Latin men,” said a female signatory to the letter and spokeswoman for the group accusing the “Time’s Up” and “#METOO” anti-sexual harassment movements of going too far. “How else will little French girls grow up, expecting one day as adult women to become French maids or mistresses? Fend off being French kissed by strangers on the Metro during rush hour? Or being crudely invited to participate in a ménage à trois?”

As the spokeswoman addressed the international press core, the aforementioned symbols of France were modeled in the background.

“Sexual harassment is deeply...Oh…so, so very, very deeply embedded in French culture,” said the spokeswoman, as she and members of the press all wiped away beads of sweat from their collective foreheads. “They are forever engaged. It is impossible to separate them!”

Then as a woman modeling a French maid uniform carrying a baguette in hand passed by the spokeswomen, the spokeswomen reached out and grabbed it.

She then began to wave the one yard-long baguette wildly in the air above her head as she spoke with an even more fervent temperament.

“And what do you expect us to do with our baguettes? Eat them?!” said the spokeswoman, as she broke the baguette in half, threw it at the feet of the reporters and stormed out of the press conference. “Vive la France! Vive la difference!”

Caption Reads:

"Is that a .357 Magnum in your pocket?

Or are you just happy to see me?"

Photo(s) Courtesy of: Public domain

Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens? Tide Pod Challenge Health Warning Ironically Leads to Suicide By Tide Pod Among Teens

Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens?

By Robert W. Armijo

Shortly after parents around the country realized that their teen aged children were videotaping themselves putting the colorful cleaning chemical balls into their mouths (a practice commonly known as the Tide Pod Challenge) and then popping them like a zit (posting the footage to the web), mainstream media put various medical experts on camera to denounce the behavior as reckless, foolish and potentially life-threatening.

Now, as a result of that health warning, the rate of suicide by Tide pods among teens went from absolute zero to now becoming the preferred method of doing oneself in.

Further complicating the matter, as reported by suicide prevention hotlines around the nation, is the number callers who used a Tide pod to end their life, but changed their mind, is their inability to speak shortly after ingesting the lethal sphere and making a call to a suicide prevention hotline.

“We know it’s an attempted suicide by a Tide pod because the caller just chokes and gags on the other end of the phone,” said one volunteer operator. “That and the sound of soap bubbles popping in the background.”

All suicide prevention centers have been instructed to redirect the self-endangered callers to another outside agency for help.

“It’s all we can do for them,” the operator continued. “After all, we are a suicide prevention center, not the poison control center.”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Soulbust (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital?

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

In light of the Tweets of President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside, the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to convert the analogue clock to a digital one.

“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.

The analogue clock was created by a group of Chicago atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.

“We’re way past a minute to midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”

According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock with a digital display.

“We’re thinking of setting the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”

"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"

-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11738617

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #2

Q: Why do cats like to play golf?

A: Because they enjoy "hanging out" in the sand traps!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #1

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: Why did the family cat take up playing golf?

A: Because he was told that if he made a score of one stroke under par at a hole, he would have a birdie!

Caption Reads:

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #1

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?

A: A Dodo birdie!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #2

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?

A: A Cuckoo birdie!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #3

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?

A: A Mocking birdie!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #4

By Robert W. Armijo

Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?

A: A Lyre birdie!

Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

FunFakeNews.Com -- An Inadvertent (Social) Satire of the New Dawn of the Age of Yellow Journalism?

I’m still going through the learning curve here on how to operate this idiot proof website; so please, be patient with me. I have much more Fun Fake News to share with you that will put a smile on your face, lighten up your heart and maybe even make *milk shoot out of your nose.

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"Monkey Head" Favicon courtesy of: wpclipart.com

All written material here, and all photos that are marked as well, are hereby copyrighted © 2008-2019 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.