Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens? Tide Pod Challenge Health Warning Ironically Leads to Suicide By Tide Pod Among Teens

Is The Tide Pod “The New Suicide Pill" for Teens?

By Robert W. Armijo

Shortly after parents around the country realized that their teen aged children were videotaping themselves putting the colorful cleaning chemical balls into their mouths (a practice commonly known as the Tide Pod Challenge) and then popping them like a zit (posting the footage to the web), mainstream media put various medical experts on camera to denounce the behavior as reckless, foolish and potentially life-threatening.

Now, as a result of that health warning, the rate of suicide by Tide pods among teens went from absolute zero to now becoming the preferred method of doing oneself in.

Further complicating the matter, as reported by suicide prevention hotlines around the nation, is the number callers who used a Tide pod to end their life, but changed their mind, is their inability to speak shortly after ingesting the lethal sphere and making a call to a suicide prevention hotline.

“We know it’s an attempted suicide by a Tide pod because the caller just chokes and gags on the other end of the phone,” said one volunteer operator.  “That and the sound of soap bubbles popping in the  background.”

All suicide prevention centers have been instructed to redirect the self-endangered callers to another outside agency for help.   

“It’s all we can do for them,” the operator continued. “After all, we are a suicide prevention center, not the  poison control center.”


Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Soulbust (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons


Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Watchmen of the Doomsday Clock Vote to Take It Digital?!

Old Analogue Doomsday Clock Going Digital? 
-- Washington, D.C. 

By Robert W. Armijo

In light of the Tweets of President Donald J. Trump about him having a bigger nuclear button on his desk than North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un and then wiring it to “The Clapper” at his bedside, the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists – keepers of the doomsday clock – voted to convert the analogue clock to a digital one.

“It’s the only way to keep up with the president’s doomsday threatening Tweets,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists.

The analogue clock was created by a group of Chicago atomic scientists after the Manhattan Project to demonstrate to the world how close we are as a species to global destruction by a preventable man-made catastrophe.

“We’re way past a minute to midnight,” the spokesmen continued. “We’re well into seconds.”

According to the spokesman the old analogue doomsday clock cannot convey the sense of urgency as accurately as a doomsday clock with a digital display.

“We’re thinking of setting the digital doomsday clock at 11:59:50,” said the spokesman. “Or borrowing the old launch countdown clock from NASA and setting it to T-10 seconds to doomsday!”


Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com

Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.



President Donald J. Trump Wires Nuclear Button to “The Clapper”


"How do I know it works unless I test it?'"
"No, Mr. President, don't!"
-- Washington, D.C.

By Robert W. Armijo

Declaring it a matter of national security, President Donald J. Trump ordered White House maintenance workers to wire the nuclear button on his desk in the Oval Office to “The Clapper” – an electronic device which allows a table lamp to be turned on or off by simply clapping one’s hands -- next to his bed.

“The president ordered the instillation of the device when he realized he didn’t have to walk all the way down stairs in the middle of the night to his desk in the Oval Office to push the nuclear button, should he deem it necessary,” said a White House spokesman.

White House maintenance crew wires
the nuclear button on the president's desk
to "The Clapper" at his bedside.  
 

“All the president has to do now to start a nuclear war is clap his hands,” said a spokesman for the Bulletin of The Atomic Scientists, keepers of the doomsday clock. “So we are having an emergency meeting of our members to vote on whether or not to move the big hand of the analogue doomsday clock one minute to midnight.”


Photo(s) Courtesy of: By Charles (talk) (Uploads) - Own work, Public Domain, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=11738617


Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #2






Q: Why do cats like to play golf?








A: Because they enjoy "hanging out" in the sand traps!










Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com


Copyright© 2018 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Why Cats Play Golf Joke #1

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"
By Robert W. Armijo




Q: Why did the family cat take up playing golf?













A: Because he was told that if he made a score of one stroke under par at a hole, he would have a birdie!


Caption Reads:

"Come on! Don't give up now!
You're just one stroke
away from a birdie!"



 Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com


Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #1

By Robert W. Armijo





Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Dodo birdie!


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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #2

By Robert W. Armijo





 Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Cuckoo birdie!



Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com


Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #3

By Robert W. Armijo





Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Mocking birdie!



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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Golf Joke #4

By Robert W. Armijo




Q: What kind of birdie did President Donald J. Trump make, while playing a round of golf?







A: A Lyre birdie!



Photo(s) Courtesy of: wpclipart.com


Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Donald J. Trump Creates Life!!! Holds Xmas Vacation Press Conference at Mar-a-Lago To Explain New God-Like Power of Creation

"Help me! I am a freak of nature. Created somewhere 
around the 16th hole by many who consider a mad man 
who thinks he possesses god-like powers. And the scary 
thing is: He's right! He has god-like powers to destroy 
the world and everything in it! Help me! Actually,
forget about me. Help yourselves! I'll just sit here
on this tree branch and hold my breath until I turn
blue and pass out cold.
 By Robert W. Armijo

We now join the press conference live at the International Golf Club at Mar-a-Lago already in progress…

“I know it came as a shocker to me too,” said President Donald J. Trump, while leaning on a nine iron from behind a podium bearing the presidential seal. “I mean I’ve always known I had the power to take life, but create it, too? Who would've guess that? Right?”

The president was then asked by a reporter when and how the incident occurred.

“Just this afternoon,” replied the president. “Some guy told me I made a birdie, while I was playing a round of golf. And the funny thing is I wasn’t even trying. Sometimes I even amaze myself. So I turned to the guy and asked him, ‘Really? What kind of a birdie?’ But he didn’t say. He just stood there with a look of awe and wonderment on his face -- Yeah, just like that look you all are giving me right now. No doubt dumbstruck by my awesomeness at my new God-like powers of creation. Gotta go now. Got to get back to my game and finish it.  I’ll let you know if I create anything else other than an another birdie. I don’t know maybe a Unicorn this time. I heard those things went extinct under the previous administration -- And by that I mean the Obama administration! So it may take awhile. So don’t hold your breath, because I haven’t tested out my powers of resurrection yet.”

Just like that the president still adorned in full golf regatta walked away from the podium and back onto the green, disappearing into a sand trap somewhere near the 17th hole.


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Copyright© 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.