Top 10 Things Obama Can Do to Restore Nation’s AAA Rating with Standard and Poor’s:

10) Overt: By Executive Order, impose a one-time selective “Risk Assessment Agency” Retroactive Tax in the amount of 14 Trillion dollars.

9) Overt: Call in a Not So Surgical Air Strike on S and P's headquarters, using Smart Bombs, Tomahawk Cruise missiles and Predator drones.

8) Special Ops: Send in SEAL Team Six – Then take the captured S and P executives out for a long walk on the short deck of an aircraft carrier.

7) Black Ops: Grant a Presidential Pardon to members of “Anonymous,” IF they hack into S and P and change the nation’s credit rating back to AAA.

6) Covert: Start rumors via diplomatic cables that S and P is financially insolvent. Then transmit those diplomatic cables over a secured line for WikiLeaks to pick up and publish them on the World Wide Web.

5) Overt: Let loose the monster from that Cloverfeild movie onto Manhattan. Then coat the S and P building with “Love Potion #9”. But not before blocking off the Lincoln Tunnel and injecting the space creature with the nation’s entire supply of Viagra.

4) Overt: Invite the S and P board of directors over to the White House for a "Beer and Caviar Summit".

3) Overt: Open up Fort Knox and Call the “Cash For Gold” people.

2) Covert: Stop receiving daily briefings on the economy, and go off on vacation just like Congress.

1) Overt: Make another speech with the same old stale talking points and boring platitudes, exposing your inexperience as a statesman and lack of leadership as a world leader...Or buy a new rhyming dictionary!

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Debt Ceiling Crisis Leaves Obama Smoking, Again

Washington, D.C. –

On a personal note, the debt-ceiling crisis has taken its toll on the health of the president lately, as he has taken up smoking again. It is reported that the First Lady, Michelle Obama, was the first to notice her husband’s relapse into his old nicotine habit, one which he had worked so hard to kick since he took office.

“I knew he went back to smoking,” said the First Lady. “He’d makeup some dumb excuse. Go outside, saying he needed some fresh air.”

Later, the First Lady picked out cigarette butts from her bed of flowers in the Rose Garden.

“At first, I don’t say anything to him,” said the First Lady. “Believing it’s really not my place. I mean so long as he doesn’t do it in front of the children, right?”

However, the First Lady expressed concerned that the president’s smoking was getting in the way of his job.

“He use to say smoking helped him relax, cleared his mind. So he could focus on the task at hand,” said the First Lady. “But I doubt that’s the case anymore.”

So the First Lady decided to confront the president with a handful of cigarette butts she found in the Rose Garden.

Only their meeting in the Oval Office was interrupted by a phone call from Speaker of the House Representatives, John Boehner.

“Honey,” said a confident and assertive First Lady. “I know you’re really busy with our nation on the verge of failing to meet it’s financial obligations for the first time ever, but I found these cigarette butts in the Rose Garden the other day. Now I understand you’re under tremendous pressure, but if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re using this debt ceiling crisis as some kind of smokescreen. Just so you can pick up smoking again.”

Just then John Boehner called, the president placing him on the speakerphone.

“Mr. President,” said a weeping John Boehner on the other end of the line. “For the love of God, please okay raising the debt ceiling. I don’t understand, we gave you everything you wanted weeks ago.”

After hearing John Boehner’s plea over the speakerphone, the First Lady looked down at the cigarette butts in her hand and then backup at the president with her mouth wide open.

From behind his desk, the president calmly reached into coat pocket, pulled out a cigarette and lit it up.

“I beg you, Mr. President,” continued pleading John Boehner. “There’s very little time left. Approve raising the debt ceiling and put an end to this godforsaken crisis.”

“Are we clear?” said the president to the First Lady as he drew on the cigarette, its glow lighting up his face.

The First Lady just nodded her head as she slowly backed out of the Oval Office, placing the cigarette butts in her skirt pocket.

John Boehner, still weeping over the speakerphone.

“Mr. President…” sobbed John Boehner. “Mr. President…”


Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.