Top 10 Things Mexican-Americans (A.K.A. “Pochos”) Can Do to Avoid Getting Deported Under Arizona’s SB 1070

International Boarder --

With the United States Supreme Court's upcoming ruling seemingly favoring Arizona’s SB 1070 (and with the first Hispanic, Sonia Sotomayor, onboard) and other state legislators following close behind. Recent discussions in the mainstream media analyzing only scenarios of authorities stopping and detaining only the undocumented citizens among us in their new “Dragnet”, leaving it up to local law enforcement to solely define who is and who is not a U.S. (naturalized and undocumented) citizen.

All that rather than considering the second-class citizenship the new judicially vetted law, and others like it, is surely to deal out to Mexican-Americans (“Pochos”).

Well, we here at funfakenews.com have taken the liberty to confront these serious unaddressed issues with a smile. By publishing ten simple suggestions for all U.S. (naturalized and undocumented) citizens alike that happen to still look like they just crossed the boarder when in reality the border crossed them.

Let us pray it does not “Railroad” the rest of us in the process as well.

Remember as a U.S. (naturalized and undocumented) citizen you have nothing to worry about, even if you still happen to look like an illegal alien, whatever that means under today’s politically correct construct. Unless that is when pulled over by the Arizona (or other) police for probable cause, You Happen to…

10) You happen to…have your car radio tuned to a so-called “Mexican Radio” speaking station.

9) You happen to… wear a crucifix around your neck and make the sign of the cross when passing by a Catholic Church.

8) You happen to… refer to your sandals as huaraches instead of flip-flops.

7) You happen to… have your automobile maintenance log, which documents you performed 9 out the last 10 major car repairs yourself.

6) You happen to… admit your ancestors are from Mexico and maybe the Philippines, too.

5) You happen to… still have a 2008 Obama “Hope and Change” bumper sticker on the back of your car.

4) You happen to… have a multiple hyphenated Spanish surname printed on your driver’s license.

3) You happen to… get caught singing along with your car radio to your favorite song in three languages: English, Spanish and Spanglish.

2) You happen to… own a talking Chihuahua that eerily sounds a lot like George Lopez or that Taco Bell ad.

1) You happen to… produce a state certified birth certificate from Hawaii -- Oh yeah, that’s how all this started (again).

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Italian Shipwreck Radio Transcript Translated into “Mambo Italiano” Style Stereotype?

Little Italy --

Many mainstream media outlets have aired the dramatic radio transcript of the conversation between the Captain of the Costa Concordia and the port authority official, ordering the reluctant skipper back to his post aboard the ill-fated sinking shipwreck to help coordinate the rescue operation.

Here follows a brief description of the three variety of ways you may have already heard the Costa Concordia transcript broadcast, and one you have not:

1) The reporter or anchor (no pun intended) simply reads the transcript to the audience, which is very dry and not very dramatic.

2) The reporter or anchor plays the actual recording with Italian (or whatever language) being spoken in the background while an English translation is provided in the foreground, which is more dramatic but lacking authenticity and can be somewhat confusing, too.

3) The reporter or anchor as before plays the actual recording with Italian (or whatever language) being spoken in the background, while an English translation is provided in the foreground.

However, this version (3) of the transcript comes with a twist: it is read BBC documentary style. And that is having the transcript read in English, but by someone with an Italian accent (or whatever accent). Which makes absolutely no sense, except that it comes across to the unsuspecting audience as authentic, although quite insincere, if not downright misleading and insulting to the audiences’ intelligence.

Well, here at funfakenews.blogspot.com, we have discovered yet a fourth way to read the Costa Concordia transcript (or whatever foreign language transcript).

And that is by having it read BBC documentary style with the following exception: instead of the person(s) reading it in English with an Italian accent (or whatever accent), it is read by someone using a stereotype of an Italian-American accent – a “Mambo Italiano” accent (or whatever stereotype accent).

Granted, it is still somewhat insulting to the audiences’ intelligence, but it is much more sincere (condolences extended to Italians everywhere, for having to take a most unprofessional “hit” on this one).

Transcript of Radio Broadcast Begins…

Port Authority: Captain, can you a-tell me why you’re not a-board your ship, eh?

Captain: My ship?

Port Authority: YES, YOUR SHIP!!!

Captain: Oh, so suddenly she’s a-my ship now that she’s --

Port Authority: Captain, please. I’m a-begging you, get back to THE SHIP, okay?

Captain: The ship?

Port Authority: Yes, the ship.

Captain: She’s a-sunk, no?

Port Authority: No!

Captain: No?

Port Authority: No!

Captain: Well, from…ah…my…ah…life-a-boat she a-look a-like she is a-sunk.

Port Authority: No, no, no. She’s not a-sunk! She is a-sinking!

Captain: A-sinking? A-sunk? Potato Patato? Tomato Tamato? What’s the difference? All I see is water. Water everywhere.

Port Authority: What’s a-matter with you?

Captain: What’s a-matter with me? What’s a-matter with you?

Port Authority: Shut a-up your face!

Captain: You shut a-up your face!

[Eyewitnesses report a silent but heated exchange of insulting physical gestures by the way of arms and hands between the two, lasting for several minutes]

Port Authority [Reestablishing radio communication]: Captain!

[Singing overheard in the background from the Captain’s end]

Port Authority [Desperately Repeats]: Captain!

[Again, singing overheard in the background from the Captain’s end]

Port Authority: Captain!!!

Captain: ♪When the moon hits your eye like a-big pizza pie that amore♪

Port Authority: Captain, stop a-singing and get back to the ship!

Captain: No.

Port Authority: Why?

Captain: I didn’t a-feel like it.

Port Authority: What?

Captain: I just bought a new pair of red Italian loafers. You know, just a-like the Pope wears in Roma and I don’t a-want to get them a-wet.

Port Authority: Listen to me very carefully, Captain.

Captain: Yes, I’m a-listening to you. Go a-head.

Port Authority: If you don’t get back on that ship, you’ll be wearing your new red Italian loafers -- just like the ones the Pope wears, I know -- but only you’ll be wearing them up your [BLEEP]! Understand?

Captain: Sorry…I can’t a-hear you…The signal…she’s a-braking up…just a-like YOUR SHIP. Ciao!

…Transcript of Radio Broadcast Ends

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.