Birth Control Pills Recalled After Quality Control Inspector #13 Falls Pregnant

Montreal, Canada –

Millions of birth control pills had to be recalled today when a quality control inspector at a major pharmaceutical company that manufactures birth control pills and other preventive reproductive devices suddenly became pregnant.

“Each and every day we have to test the quality and effeteness of the product we inspect,” said a spokeswoman for the Quality Control Inspector Union (QCIU). “And for our union members lucky enough to be working at ice cream plants, chocolate factories and breweries, it’s a sweet job.”

However, not for those assigned to test dangerous products like Bungee cords, hollow tip bullets or birth control pills.

“The general public just doesn’t know what sacrifices we make for their safety,” said the QCIU spokeswoman. “Not until something like this happens.”

Unlike other occupations where employees are fired or even criminally charged for taking, using or eating the company’s services or products, pilfering is practically in the quality control inspector’s job description.

“That’s how quality control inspector number thirteen at the birth control pill plant got pregnant,” said the QCIU spokeswoman. “It’s the risk we take.”

Every day quality control inspector number thirteen has to sample the birth control pills made on the factory floor, testing for quality and effectiveness on herself with the assistance of the supervising foreman.

“Unfortunately, quality control inspector number thirteen and the foreman are married,” said a coworker. “To each other.”

Quality control inspector number thirteen and the foreman enter a specially equipped testing laboratory together, one that is adjacent to the production floor.

“Usually the foreman is the first to go in the room and the first to come out,” said another coworker.

A ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign is hung on the doorknob and a switch is flipped that turns on a little red light above the door letting the other employees know that testing is being conducted.

All production stops until they reemerge, which is approximately two minutes later.

“We used to get a cigarette break right after,” said a disgruntled employee. “But now all we get is nicotine gum chewing break. It’s just not the same.”

Quality control inspector number thirteen, a mother of four, got the bad news of her new pregnancy almost immediately when she took her mandatory morning pregnancy test at the plant the next day.

“She pulled the cord in the bathroom that halts the production line,” said a coworker. “And then she ran out of the bathroom waving the pregnancy testing stick in the air, yelling out at the top of her lungs, ‘Stop the line! Stop the line! I’m pregnant! I’m pregnant!”

Then locating the foreman (her husband), she repeatedly strikes him with the pregnancy testing stick over the head, screaming, “You did this to me you bastard! You did this to me you bastard!”

According to the terms of the collective bargaining contract the QCIU has with the company, quality control inspector number thirteen will be transferred to another division of the company. Until she is ready to take her paternity leave or is no longer gainfully employed by the company.

“Quality control inspector number thirteen will be allowed time to collect her wits and get her mind off birth control for awhile,” said a spokesman for the pharmaceutical company. “As she tests the tensile strength of our new line of prophylactics.”

Once again, quality control inspector number thirteen enters the product testing room, while this time a hesitant foreman is the one to hang the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the doorknob and turns on the little red light that hangs above the door.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

OctoMom’s Doc: I could’ve gone plumper

Los Angeles, California --





During an emotional PowerPoint presentation that was obviously engineered to sway the members of the California medical board in favor of the investigators trying to revoke the medical license of fertility specialist, Dr. Michael Kamrava, who stands accused of violating the medical ethics of his profession by implanting 12 embryos (instead of the recommended two) into the so-called “OctoMom” (Nadya Suleman, divorced), sat quietly.



Although the doctor watched the presentation in silence, he cut his own throat by inadvertently surrendering self-incrimination testimony at the conclusion of the slide show.



“I don’t know,” said a reporter who attended the hearing. “He didn’t seem phased at all by the pregnant pictures of Suleman. In fact, he looked like he was admiring them.”



In the darkened medical board room, images of the alleged victim’s bloated ballistic-like belly reflected off the doctor’s spectacles, as a synchronized soundtrack from the movie “Titanic” played in the background.



As one series of photos ended, another series began; seemingly filling up the projector screen with an endless pride of OctoMom posing in various protruding positions and gigantic states of gestation.



However, as soon as the projector screen went bleach white plank, pausing between each of the 35-year-old Suleman’s 14 pregnancies (as the computer struggled loading up the new data on its hard drive), people eagerly moved about in their seats in anticipation of the lights coming up, only to be disappointed when more pregnant photographs of OctoMom assaulted them instead.



Gasps of shock and disgust, which emanated from the sympatric audience in the beginning, were quickly replaced by groans of “Oh man, not another one” or “What the? Not again!” by the end.



Finally, as the slideshow presentation concluded, the fertility specialist leaned over to whisper into his attorney’s ear.



“I could’ve gone plumper,” gloated the accused as the lights came back on in the room.

Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo