 |
| Some Willie Nelson Supporters outside a "Free Willie" rally |
Dallas, Texas --
After analyzing the so-called cannabis contraband found on Willie Nelson's person, Austin border police have been forced to reconsider lessening the marijuana possession charge against the world renown country signer, or even dropping it altogether.
Border police busted Nelson the day after Thanksgiving when they found what they thought was marijuana, stuffed into a live turkey he was carrying under his arm.
“He tried convincing the police that he recently converted to vegetarianism,” said Martha Maryweather who was standing behind Willie Nelson when he was arrested. “And that he had just rescued that turkey he was carrying under his arm from a thanksgiving dinner he was invited to by his friends. But the police didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe him either. They thought he was high on pot. We all thought he was high on pot. You know, having one of those ‘Reefer Madness’ moments.”
Unfortunately the turkey did not survive the police interrogation and expired sometime during a full body cavity search.
“No doubt succumbing to ingesting 2 out of the 6 ounces of cannabis Mr. Nelson stuffed into its body,” said police.
However, Mr. Nelson will not be facing any animal cruelty charges. As the animal he selected to plant the alleged illegal substance was a turkey and it was on or near Thanksgiving Day.
“Also,” added police. “As cannabis or pot, as it is known by its street name, is classified as an herb. It’s therefore technically considered a dressing. In fact, my wife uses it all the time…the herb dressing, I mean. Not the pot.”
“Initially the field test conducted on the remaining alleged illegal substance retrieved from the turkey Mr. Nelson was transporting under his arm came back positive,” said authorities. “However, subsequent test results have been mixed at best.”
Authorities are still not saying much as to what the “alleged illegal substance” Nelson was carrying, if not pot. However, his lawyer did at a “Free Willie” rally, taking center stage wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt.
“My client [Willie Nelson] is innocent!” said Jerry Stromburger, Nelson’s attorney and Dead Head as he nearly stumbled off the stage. “That’s all I wanted to say, man. He’s innocent! Wait a minute…Who’s innocent again?”
Mr. Stromburger then wandered off backstage into a cloud of cannabis before reemerging from it a few minutes later, escorted back to the microphone with the assistance of two scantily clad young blonde women, wearing little more clothing than their Willie Nelson style rainbow colored headbands.
A surprisingly suddenly sober Stromburger then read from a prepared statement filled with legalese.
“At no time was my client, William Nelson, in the possession of the aforementioned alleged illegal substance,” said Mr. Stromburger, looking down his nose through a pair of reading glasses at the paper he held steadily in his hand. “Rather my client was in possession of a special blend of Kentucky Bluegrass, which my client currently holds patent pending rights to. If you have any questions, please address them to my office during business hours. I thank you.”
With that, Mr. Stromburger exited the stage. Again, escorted by the same two scanty clad blondes as before, back into the cannabis fogbank.
Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
