Showing posts with label animal rights. Show all posts
Showing posts with label animal rights. Show all posts

Texas Man’s Constant Cravings for Horseflesh Takes Roll in Hay; Now Charged with Sex Crime

“Where’s PETA when you need them?”
Houston, Texas --

A Texas man who allegedly had sex with a mare (a female horse) named Nadia, but could not be charged with anything more than trespassing for a lack of bestiality laws, is now being charged with a nexus case of equine rape, as police have since determined the interspecies copulation was not consensual. 

“Police originally only charged him with trespassing,” said Nadia's owner who secretly installed a security camera in the barn to catch the man in the act. 

After viewing the video of the incident that the owner provided, police, however, quickly changed their minds. 

“Judging from the security tape we have recently obtained, it appears that the sex act with the horse couldn’t have been consensual,” said police. “Because, all throughout the video, the horse can clearly be heard as saying, ‘Nay, nay, nay’.” 

Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Yvonne “The Run Away” Cow to Undergo Mad Cow Disease Testing

Hamburg, Germany –

The story of Yvonne “The Run Away” Cow has sadly taken a turn for the worst recently. When shortly after her safe capture by animal rights activists, Germany’s equivalent of the department of agriculture announced today the wayward bovine must be tested for Mad Cow Disease.

Animal rights activists had planned to retire Yvonne to a ranch where she would have spent the rest of her natural life grazing and breeding.

“Not so fast,” said a spokesman for the agriculture department. “We suspect that Yvonne’s bizarre behavior of escaping the slaughterhouse can directly be attributed to her having contracted bovine spongiform encephalopathy or BSE [Mad Cow Disease].”

“That must be it,” said Yvonne’s previous owner, who sold her to the slaughterhouse, after naming her and raising her up since she was a calf. “Why else would she run off into the forest like that when she had a nice slaughterhouse waiting for her?”

Unfortunately, Yvonne will have to be put down (killed) in order to conduct the BSE test properly.

“The good news is if she passes, her meat will be deemed suitable for human, canine and feline consumption,” said the spokesman. “Available for sale to the general public in the meat department and pet food aisle of your local supermarket.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.