Occupy Wall Street Joined by Crazy Old Lady Who Accused Obama of Being a Muslim

New York, New York --

Fox News has located that crazy old lady who accused Obama of being a Muslim at a John McCain’s presidential rally back in 2008. Now she is at the Occupy Wall Street protest.

“If you do not remember who she is,” said the Fox News reporter, refreshing the memory of the viewing audience. “Then maybe you’ll recall that SNL Weekend Update episode with a mumbling, bumbling old lady walking on and off the set. And between the TV cameras wearing a McCain/Palin 2008 T-shirt. Well, that caricature was based on her.”

Since her first controversial appearance on TV three years ago, however, Bertha Whitehead, 79, has kept herself busy by becoming a full-fledged member of the ultra conservative Tea Party.

“Do you still think Obama is a Muslim?” asked the Fox News reporter with tongue-in-cheek.

“No,” replied the crazy old lady. “I know he is.”

“Why have you joined Occupy Wall Street today?” asked the Fox reporter, winking into the camera. “After all, it doesn’t seem like you would have anything in common with these people.”

“Because,” replied the crazy old lady. “Wall Street has been taken over by Muslims.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Releases Birth Certificate to Distract Nation from Woes

Washington, D.C. --

Taking to the podium, using it as a bully pulpit, President Obama not only announced the release of his long form version of his birth certificate today, he seized upon the opportunity to hypocritically chastise the media for picking up the story of his questionable citizenship and running with it। Rather than focusing on the complex issues the nation faces.

"Why now?" rhetorically asked a Birther who declined to be identified. "He had all this time to release it and he chooses today?"

Critics suspect the president deliberately withheld his long form birth certificate from the public, saving it up for a rainy day.

"It’s obvious Obama timed the release of his birth certificate to coincide with a strategic political move on his part. Intended to distract the nation from its real problems," said Albert Armstrong, a political pundit.

Armstrong calls on Congress to investigate the matter.

"If it is found that the president did withhold his birth certificate and choose to release it just now to distract the nation," said Armstrong. "He should be impeached."

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
http://www.wpclipart.com/American_History/presidents/presidents_by_date/2009___Barack_Hussein_Obama.png.html

Top 10 Rejected Rose Parade Float Ideas for 2011 – Vote for Your Favorite!



Happy New Year!
And don’t forget to
pickup after yourself!


10) The Tiger Woods’ Miniature Golf Course Float -- Links Decorated with Novelty Corporate Iconic Product Placement Logos Like Before, Only Now Representing Lost Endorsements

9) The “99 Weekers” Mobile Food Bank Float

8) The Arizona’s SB 1070 Anti-Illegal Immigration Float Decorated by ‘Petal Pushers’ Volunteers – The only people known to do a job for less wages than the undocumented

7) The Lindsay Lohan Rehab, Court and County Jail Float with Revolving Door

6) The Brett Favre’s Giant Text Float with Giant Magnifying Glass

5) The Alaskan Wilderness Frontier Float Featuring Sarah Palin Shooting Bambi from a Helicopter

4) The Arnold Schwarzenegger “I won’t be back Cal-Lee-Four-Knee-Ahh!” Float Sponsored by His Own Failed Terminator Administration

3) The “Say, Whatever Happened to Haiti?” Float Sponsored by – Oh look, a distraction!

2) The Christine O’Donnell Satanic Pentagram and Salem Witch Trial Reenactment Float

And a 3-Way Tie for Number One in the New Year 2011:

1A) The Crisis in the Gulf of Mexico “Where Did All Dat Oil Go?” Float

Or...

1B) The Tea Party’s 2010 Candidate Float Sponsored by Gotham City’s Arkham Insane Asylum Mental Healthcare Workers Association

Or…

1C) The Mr. WikiLeaks Himself:, Julian Assange, Man of International Mystery Float – Completely Constructed Out of Glass Mirrors

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All Rights Reserved.

John Boehner Calling Obama “Lip [Service] Gate” Reason Enough to Hold Congressional Hearings -- Possible Impeachment Proceedings Begin?



"What? Me worry? I'll
compromise my way out
of this one, like always.
But what about you?"

 
Washington, D.C. --

Speaking as the incoming Speaker of the House and on behalf of his fellow Republicans and Blue Dog Democrats, John Boehner stood before a press conference today. Crying out for a Congressional Hearing into what he is calling “Lip Gate” to investigate how Barack Obama received an injury requiring 12 stitches to his lip during a basketball game last Friday. Even demanding that he voluntarily steps down now or face impeachment proceeding to force him from the Office as the duly elected President of the United States of America.

“I want to assure the country that this Congressional Hearing will be conducted in accordance with the rule of law and will not be turned into a witch hunt for personal or political party gain,” said Boehner.

However, used for the purpose for which it was intended, as a legitimate probe into a possible impeachment proceeding, according to Boehner.

“After all," Boehner continued. "It’s important for the American people to know in a time of crisis such as this when their leader suffers a life threatening injury, under what can only be described as suspicious circumstances at best, that we politicians know when its time to put away petty partisanship. And stand united behind their president. Therefore, I am demanding that since Obama is not a U.S. citizen but a Kenyan, that the Department of Justice charges the alleged assailant with assault on a foreign dignitary. And do so without delay. Let us not forget that we are a nation of laws, not just men. And justice delayed, is justice denied.”

Boehner then expressed concern over the president’s state of mental health, suggesting the injuries were more extensive then first reported.

“You know, in order to get 12 stitches, Obama must have sustained a tremendous amount for blunt force trauma to his head,” said Boehner. “Enough even to generate a concussion, I bet. Therefore, I have also asked the Surgeon General to declare Obama unfit to serve in office, pending a full medical examination of the president to assure the nation that he’s still physically and mentally capable of leading our Republic.”

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated issue, while awaiting action on behalf of the Department of Justice and the office of the Surgeon General, Boehner managed to reinstate the ‘Death Panel’ provision back into the ‘Obama Health-Care’ legislation, during a rare midnight emergency secession of the so-called lame duck Congress.

“Death Panel’ is such an awful sounding phrase to describe a ‘Death Panel’ here folks,” said Boehner into the Congressional record. “So what do you say we use a more euphemistic term instead. Something more upbeat like, ‘Health Insurance Medical Review and Final Appeals Board’, okay?”

Boehner then concluded his second press conference as incoming Speaker of the House in which he managed not to shed a tear, although he did seem to be getting a little verklempt toward the end.

“I, umm,” said Boehner hesitating for a moment, sniffling overheard between pregnant pauses. “I, umm, want to…thank…y’all for coming today. That’s all. I just wanted to say…thanks.”

Copyright © 2010 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Obama Tries Building “A Coalition of the Willing” of His Own

a

Washington, D.C. --

After two years of disappointing his base of Liberals, Progressives, Independents, some elderly and especially young voters, President Barack Obama announced today, after a failed rally attempt held at an undisclosed stadium at a college back east for a taped political TV commercial to be aired at a later date, that he is building “A Coalition of the Willing” of his own to save what is left of his super majority in both Houses of Congress, come this November’s midterm elections.

“Listen,” said Obama, while addressing a dwindling crowd of mostly youthful supporters. “Not too long ago you people were fainting at my rallies. Now, now you hardly swoon. What’s up with that?”

“In the not too distant past, those people would have broken out into laughter,” later noted an Obama’s staff member. “Now, not even a smile was seen on a single face in the crowd.”

As a somber and awkward silence seized the audience, a heckler spoke up to respond to the President, who once promised he would bring hope and change to the nation.

“What’s up with breaking your campaign promise not to sign a healthcare bill that didn’t have a public option?” the heckler answered the President's rhetorical question. “Let’s start with that!”

The crowd cheered the heckler.

“Look America,” replied Obama as he walked away from his podium and prepared speech on his teleprompter, rolling up his sleeves as he walked across the stage. “I never promised you a rose garden. And I know this may shock some of you out there, but I can’t walk on water, either.”

The crowd broke out into laughter, Obama smiled.

“Now what do you say, America,” continued Obama satisfied he regenerated the faithful as he walked back up to his podium and teleprompter. “What about we start over? And you help me build what I call ‘A Coalition of the Willing’ to restore hope and change to Washington?”

The crowd fell silent once more.

“Now you maybe asking yourself what’s this ‘Coalition of the Willing’ all about?” said Obama as he clearly began reading off his teleprompter again. Not noticing that his audience fell silent once again. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy.”

Obama paused and looked out to the crowd from behind his podium and teleprompter, waiting for them to react with laughter. But no one laughed. In fact, people resumed leaving the rally, quietly shuffling out in droves; heads hung low as before. 

Looking puzzled, Obama signaled to someone in his entourage to roll back his speech on the teleprompter.

“I said…,” Obama spoke picking up where he left off as he reread his speech from the teleprompter again, but this time with more emphasis on the punch line. “Well, you can breathe a sigh of relief; I’m not going to send you to invade a country. Not like, like that other guy -- The other guy, get it? Come on, people. That’s funny.”

“Not as funny as your administration,” yelled out the heckler as the crowd continued their exodus.

“Do you really want the other guy back?” said Obama, departing from his prepared speech as he nervously looked out at the people continuing to leave the rally. “Because that’s what is going to happen if you don’t vote for the Democrats in November. It’s either me or the other guy. It’s your choice. It’s that simple.”

The people did not respond to Obama’s threat. And soon all left the rally. Except for one man, the heckler, who sat up front.

“What are you still hanging around here for?” asked Obama, acknowledging the heckler.

"I don’t know,” replied the heckler. “New material?”



Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Sarah Palin Wrote on the Foreheads of the ‘Tea Party’ Audience Too, Video Shows

Nashville, Tennessee --

A new video from the first ‘Tea Party’ convention has surfaced that is certain to fan the flames under Sarah Palin’s address in which she used a homemade ‘telepalmter’ during her speech. The incriminating footage taken from the backstage quickly pans the front row reserved for VIPs, event sponsors and their employees. A close-up freeze-frame shot clearly shows the entire front row audience with cheat notes scrawled across their foreheads.

Handwriting experts have confirmed that it is definitely the rest of Sarah Palin’s speech she started on the left palm of her hand.

“We all knew there wasn’t enough room on her hand for all of her speech,” said a handwriting expert “We just didn’t know where she put the rest of it…until now.”

“I had no idea Sarah Palin was using me as a human teleprompter,” said Homer Johnson, the ‘Tea Party’ attendee that unknowingly had the conclusion of Sarah Palin’s convention speech written on his forehead. “But come to think of it. It kind of all makes sense now.”

Homer says when he got up to use the restroom he wondered why Sarah Palin paused her speech, waiting for his return.

“I thought she was just being polite,” Homer said.

As Sarah Palin waited for Homer to return, she stood silently on the stage biding her time by taking several drinks of water and occasionally interacting with the audience on off topic subjects trying to kill time.

“Excuse me,” said Sarah Palin pointing to her throat as the audience looked about the room wondering what was going on. “I’m a bit dry.”

After holding the glass of water up to her mouth for several minutes, she finally finished drinking. Then while holding the empty glass upside down above her head, tapping the bottom of it to demonstrate to the audience she was out of water, she gestured for some more.

As a man walked on stage with a pitcher full of water, pouring some into her empty glass, the microphone picked up Sarah Palin making an inquiry, whispering into the man’s ear as to the whereabouts of the missing gentleman in the front row.

“I’ sorry,” whispered back the man holding the water pitcher. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But I’ll check into it.”

“You know what,” said Sarah Palin to the man as he was about to walk away with the pitcher of water as she glanced at her wristwatch. “It may be better if you just leave the pitcher.”

That was when Homer finally retuned to his seat.

“Okay,” said Sarah Palin as she adjusted her eyeglasses, squinting to refocus on Homer’s forehead in the front row. “Lets see…where was I now?”


Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo

Sarah Palin’s ‘Tea Party’ Address Causes Quite a Stir at the White House

Washington, D.C. --

“Now I really want you to look at these computer enhanced images of what your body will look like come 2012,” said President Barack Obama to ‘Obama Girl’ who helped sway the electorate, winning his 2008 presidential election for him and who now sat in the Oval Office with other members of his Cabinet and chief of staff, going over campaign strategies to defeat Sarah Palin in 2012.

“Notice how you’re projected to put on a little weight?” continued Obama speaking to ‘Obama Girl’ as the Surgeon General nodded his head in agreement. “Now it’s not so much that the Surgeon General here is raising any red flags, calling it a health concern. As much as you continuing to look so great as you do in a bikini. So I’ve taken the liberty to ensure that happens.”

Obama then called in a personal trainer into the room, introducing him to ‘Obama Girl’ who was busy stuffing her face with chocolate chip cookies at the time.

“Sven,” said Obama with a smile on his face as he rose to his feet zipping up his jogger’s jacket with the Presidential Seal embroidered on it. “How are you old buddy? Hope the windy city is treating you well. Say, I’d like you to meet ‘Obama Girl’. She’s been a faithful and most useful member of Team Obama. But now, as you can see by the computer projections, she won’t do me much good in the years to come if she doesn’t get control of her diet. What do you recommend?”

“The pain!” replied Sven in broken English as he flexed his bulky arm muscles so that it caused the veins in his neck and forehead to bulge, flooding with blood.

‘Obama Girl’ started gagging and choking on her chocolate chip cookies in response.

Sven, mistaking ‘Obama Girl’ for having need of the Heimlich maneuver, lifted her up from out of her chair and while positioned behind her, began squeezing her like a tube of toothpaste until she fell to the floor unconscious.

“Oh no,” yelled out Sven with his hands on his cheeks. “Not again!”

“There goes my reelection,” said Obama throwing his face into his folded arms on his desk.

“Is she dead?” asked Sven to the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse.

“No,” replied the Surgeon General. “In fact, she’s coming to.”

“Thank God!” said Obama jumping to his feet, throwing Karate punches in the air. “I’m back in business!”

“What do we tell her happened to her?” asked a concerned Sven, kneeling on one knee gently stroking ‘Obama Girl’s’ cheek.

“I know,” said Obama snapping his fingers. “Lets just put her back in her chair and pretend like nothing happened.”

“You mean like in that ‘I Love Lucy’ episode?” jokingly asked the Surgeon General.

“Yeah,” said Obama, nodding to Sven.

Sven then lifted up ‘Obama Girl’, returning her to her seat, arranging her body to the position it was in before. Even placing a chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.

As ‘Obama Girl’ regained consciousness, Sven was unable to look ‘Obama Girl’ in the eyes and looked nervously around room instead. Not knowing what to do next, he resumed his posing, causing ‘Obama Girl’ to gag and choke on the chocolate chip cookie in her mouth.

Sven instinctively rushed in plucking ‘Obama Girl’ out of her chair, performing the Heimlich maneuver on her.

“Oh no,” cried out Obama throwing his arms up in the air. “Not again!”

Sure enough ‘Obama Girl’ fell to the floor unconscious again.

“Is she alive?” Sven asked the Surgeon General who was checking ‘Obama Girl’ for a pulse again.

“Just barely,” the Surgeon General said. “In fact, without an immediate –”

“Wait!” interrupted Obama, throwing his hand out in the air.

“You got another idea?” sarcastically remarked the Surgeon General.

“Yeah,” said Obama as he paced the Oval Office. “I saw this movie once about a bachelor party where the prostitute they hire dies on them.”

“Oh no,” said Sven, shaking his head. “Not again.”

“Now, now, Sven,” said Obama patting Sven on his back. “Remember?”

“Yes, I remember,” said a resigned Sven, picking up the still unconscious ‘Obama Girl’ from the floor. “What happens in Chicago stays in Chicago.”


Copyright © 2008-2010 by Robert W. Armijo