Fun Fake News -- A Satire of the New Dawn of Yellow Journalism

Much can be said about the fine art and craft of that high society intellectual snooty Satire…I see. I’ve lost you already. Well, you can rest assured that you will not find any of that nonsense here, just Fun Fake News (FFN). WARNING: THIS IS NOT REAL NEWS, ONLY A VERY REAL PARODY OF IT. All characters and places named here are fictitious. Any similarity of person(s) living or dead is purely coincidental. Copyright © 2022 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts

After Obama's Visit to the White House, The Secret Service Files A Missing Persons Report for President Biden -- Last Seen Wondering Off the Press Stage

Clinton Continues to Blame Russian Hackers as Her lead in the Polls and Popular Vote Defies Convention; Holds Press Conference at Forest’s Edge

By Robert W. Armijo

With a straight face, the former Democratic Party presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton continued to blame Russian hackers for her loss in her run for the White House 2016.

Hillary Clinton renewed her accusations at a press conference she held outdoors at the edge of a forest where she had been taking walks with her husband after her defeat in November.

“If only the Russians wouldn’t have hacked into the DNC emails and exposed that my nomination as the Democratic Party’s presidential nominee was a foregone conclusion and that Bernie Sanders never had a chance from the get go, I would be standing here before you inside a building as the first woman president-elect,” Hillary Clinton said.

Hillary Clinton then threw on a bright red parka, a deep blue backpack and garbed a walking stick made of White Birch tree she had leaned up against the podium.

“If you will excuse me now,” said Hillary Clinton. “I have a date with Mother nature and Al Gore. He gave me this walking stick. See? Those are his initials.”

Hillary Clinton then raised the stick in the air, proudly pointing to the initials ‘A.G.’ carved on the side.

“A.G. that stands for Al Gore,” said Hillary Clinton. “He’s my friend.”

Former president Bill Clinton then walked behind Hillary and while giving her a pat on the shoulder whispered into her ear, “Come on honey. It’s time to go.”

“Time to go see Al?” Hillary Clinton asked out loud.

Bill then began to walk Hillary off the stage

“Sure,” Bill whispered. “Why not?”

“He’s my pal, you know,” said Hillary Clinton aloud.

”Yeah,” said Bill continuing to whisper. “Sure he is.”

As Hillary Clinton readied to descend the stage, a reporter yelled out, “If the Russians are to blame for your losing the election, how do you account for your lead in the polls before the election and popular vote subsequent to it?!”

Suddenly, Hillary broke free from her husband and dashed back onto the stage.

“What was that!?” said Hillary as she slapped the walking stick in the palm of her hand in a threatening way. “I didn’t catch that. What did you say?”

“Nothing,” said the reporter. “Never mind.”

“Yeah,” said Hillary. “I thought so.”

Once again, Bill gently placed his hand on Hillary’s shoulder, guiding her off the stage like a coach would a prized fighter out of a boxing ring after losing the match.

Kim Kardashian's Cleavage Causes New Cuban 'Missile Crisis'; Fidel Castro Makes 3 A.M. 'Booty' Call to White House to Complain

"At my age. it’s even had an effect on me.

I had to sit down just to make this phone call.

If you know what I mean, Mr. President?"

By Robert W. Armijo

Upon seeing Kim Kardashian’s cleavage spill out of a skintight white dress she was wearing during her visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro immediately picked up the hotline to the White House to talk to President Obama.

A transcript of that telephone conversation is as follows:

---------

President Barack Obama: What can I do for you, Presidente Fidel Castro?

Presidente Fidel Castro: I thought the Cold War was over between us, Mr. President.

President Barack Obama: It is, Fidel. What do you mean?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Have you seen what your girl Kim Kardashian is wearing down here?

President Obama: No. What?

Presidente Fidel Castro: A white dress that's so tight it squeezes out her maracas for everyone to see.

President Barack Obama: Really?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Yes. Right now, as we speak, millions of Cuban men are experiencing their very own 'missile crisis'. If you know what I mean, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: I hear you, Fidel.

Presidente Fidel Castro: At my age, it’s even had an effect on me. I had to sit down just to make this phone call. If you know what I mean, Mr. President?

"Yup. I just saw the pictures myself. I know exactly what you mean.
And I too have had to sit down."

President Barack Obama: Yup. I know exactly what you mean. I just saw the pictures myself. And I too have had to sit down. Aw, snap! And I thought that girl only had some booty on her. Looks to me like she has got a great pair of…What do you call them down there in Cuba, Fidel?

Presidente Fidel Castro: Maracas, Mr. President..

President Barack Obama: Right, maracas. Well, Fidel. This was all very informative, but I have to ask what’s the purpose of this call? You know, because I’m very busy with the up coming election. I got to do everything in my power to stop a mad man from winning the presidency in November.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Ah, yes. Senior, Donald Trump.

President Barack Obama: Actually, I was referring to Hillary.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Well, Mr. President. I just called to make sure Kim Kardashian’s cleavage was not some kind of secret weapon you were deploying to disable the men in my military, while you invaded Cuba. After all, most of my men are immune to big booty, but they have virtually no immunity to cleavage. And as you know, Cuba has only survived this long this close to a superpower like America by keeping on its toes.

President Barack Obama: True. By the way, Kim Kardahian is the bomb. But she’s not our secret weapon.

Presidente Fidel Castro: No? Then whose secret weapon is she?

President Barack Obama: Mother Nature’s, of course.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Of course.

After President Obama hangs up.

President Barack Obama: Damn it! We should've cloned and weaponized her when we had the chance.

After Presidente Fidel Castro hangs up.

Presidente Fidel Castro: Quick take a DNA sample from Kim Kardahian so we can clone and weaponize her, while we still have the chance.

White House Arranges Pope to Meet with Lepers, Tax Collectors and Prostitutes

By Robert W. Armijo

“Bring it on!” said Pope Francis when he heard of the White House's controversial guest list for a meeting on the South Lawn.

“We don’t understand,” said a White House insider. “The guest list was specifically tailored to insult the Pope. Not inspire him.”

“Well,” the Pope replied, while shaking his head. “I guess they just don’t get Christianity.”

The Pope then paused in meditative thought for a moment before speaking again.

“You see,” the Pope continued with hands clasp in prayer. “My boss meet with society's outcasts long before it was hip. And so, will I.”

The White House was quick to issue a denial that it invited the controversial guests for politically correct reasons.

“We don’t invite the first openly gay Episcopal bishop, a leader for transgender rights, a gay Catholic blogger and a prominent nun-lobbyist (the same one who bucked the bishops on the Affordable Care Act) just to be politically correct or inflame the Holy See,” said the White House. “Honest. We didn’t. Cross our hearts and everything.”

Photos courtesy of wpclipart.com

Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

President Obama to World: Je Suis Charlie Who?

President Obama to World: Je Suis Charlie Who?

Washington, D.C. –

During Monday’s routine cabinet meeting at the White House, a foreign affairs advisor read aloud for pending presidential approval a prepared press release.

It acknowledged that the Obama administration had dropped the ball in not sending a more senior representative to participate in the ‘Je Suis Charlie’ Paris march on Sunday, which was attended by 40 world leaders.

Reportedly, that is when President Obama leaned over to Vice President, Joe Biden and whispered into his ear, “Je Suis Charlie who?”

“You know,” Biden whispered back. “The famous general, statesman and architect of the Fifth French Republic and its first president as well, Charles de Gaulle.”

“Oh man,” sighed the president. “Did I almost make a big mistake. I thought they meant Charlie Brown.”

“Yeah, me too,” added Biden. “I had to look it up on Wikipedia.”

“Say, didn’t I shut them down?” asked President Obama.

“No,” replied Biden. “Not yet.”

White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #3

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama.

“P.S. In my defense, I could have done worse. I could’ve sent Joe Biden.”

Photo courtesy of: wpclipart.com

White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #2

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama.

“P.S. I thought Bastille Day wasn’t until July 14th?”

Photo courtesy of: wpclipart.com

White House Sends Card to France, Apologizes for Not Attending Je Suis Charlie Paris March Joke #1

“Sorry, I missed your ‘Je Suis Charlie’ march on Sunday,” wrote President Obama.

“P.S. I did not know how highly the people of France revered Charles M. Schulz. Or what ‘Peanuts’ fans you guys really are. I thought y’all were a bunch of Jerry Lewis fanatics.”

Obama Makes Amnesty Joke, Turning National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Day into Amateur Open Mic Night at the White House

President Obama Auditions for
His Next Career Choice?

Washington, D.C. –

Further fostering rumors that he is seriously considering a post-presidential career in comedy, President Obama did what many stand-up comedians are claiming was a set today.

It all allegedly occurred during the traditional seasonal ceremony of the National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Day at the White House.

Standing before the press pool next to two Tom turkeys named Mac and Cheese – Cheese having recently won a race on Twitter by a neck for the presidential pardon – President Obama made a joke.

“It referred to last week’s controversial signing of his executive order, which Republicans claim is little more than amnesty for the undocumented,” said a reporter.

Once the president got a laugh from his amnesty joke by the press pool, there was no stopping him.

Pulling out a piece of folded paper from inside his coat jacket, the president licked his thumb and unfolded the paper.

“So you liked that one,” said the president. “Well, hold on to your press passes.”

President Obama went on to tell several more jokes, which also made the press pool laugh.

“Then he pulled the mic off the podium,” reported a reporter.

Obama began walking back-and-fourth in front of the press pool, while still making the members of the media laugh with his humorous contemporary presidential observations.

At one point in his set, the president even went into the audience, stepping off the slightly elevated stage.

“That drove the Secret Service crazy,” said another reporter.

“Take it easy there boys,” said President Obama. “I wish you guys would’ve been on it like this back in Columbia. Or at least Ferguson. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You guys do a great job. Really, you do. Just ask anyone of the surviving Kennedy Klan -- What, What?!”

“That’s when the crowd began to turn,” said a member of the press.

“What’s the matter?” asked the president to a deadly silent audience. “Did everybody forget what happened in Columbia or downtown Dallas with these guys?”

“Nobody laughed,” noted a journalist.

The president looked out over the audience, hearing only the occasional nervous cough.

“Hey, I bet that’s what happened to you boys,” said the president, turning to his Secret Service security detail. “You guys must have thought you were in Dallas...Sorry, I meant, Vegas.”

Members of the media began to leave.

“Because as you know,” said the president, as he began to explain the joke to the audience. “What happens in Dallas. Stays in Dallas?”

Again, silence, broken only by the occasional nervous cough.

The president then retreated to the stage, placing the mic back into its stationary position, folding up his piece of paper, putting back in his breast pocket.

“Getting back to the task at hand,” said the president, as he gestured to Mac and Cheese. “I assure you that with this presidential pardon…and this executive order! -- What, What?!”

Everybody in the pressroom laughed out loud.

The president looked out over the audience with a smile as he reached for his coat pocket.

“President Obama then fired off a series of jokes in a rapid succession,” said a reporter.

Each one generating some form of laughter or another. At least until the last one.

“Why did the undocumented fowl cross the Potomac?” rhetorically asked the president. “To get amnesty! -- What, What?!”

Sporadic laughter came from the audience.

“Don’t expect to find any of these so-called turkeys in your oven,” said the president. “Thanks to my presidential pardon and amnesty granting executive order these birds will have flown the coop -- What, What?!”

Nervous laughter now emanated from the audience.

“In fact,” said the president. “Because of the mishandling of the economy by the previous administration and that of my very own, millions of Americans won’t be eating Mac or Cheese this Thanksgiving. However, they’ll be eating Mac and Cheese for Thanksgiving -- What, What?!”

Absolute stillness from the audience, not even broken by an occasional random dry cough.

Oblivious to the sound of silence, hearing only the laughter that continued ringing in his head, the president walked out of the pressroom with his arms in the air, thumbs up.

The White House press agent then took to the podium.

“Alright, let’s give it up for the comedy stylings of the leader of the free world,” said the White House press agent, turning on the applause sign.

Looking over at each other, not knowing how to react, members of the media reluctantly stood up and slowly started to clap their hands, just as directed by the White House press agent.

Ebola Czar Schedules White House Face-To-Face Meeting with Kaci Hickox, RN, Joke #1

The White House announced today that following the advice of the recently non-political appointed Ebola Czar, Ron Klain, that President Obama would meet with Kaci Hickox, RN -- NOT!!!

Photo courtesy of:

wpclipart.com

GOP Midterm Election Victory Joke #2

At the White House, President Obama addresses the media...

Press Pool: "Mr. President, what do have to say about the Republicans taking over the senate?"

President Obama: "I, for one, welcome our new Republican overlords."

Photo courtesy of:

wpclipart.com

White House Responds to GOP Midterm Election Victory Joke #1

At the White House, the morning after the midterm elections...

President Obama: Good morning, Alfred.

Butler: Good morning, Mr. President. Here is your hand squeezed...

President Obama: Orange juice?

Butler: Yes, Mr. President. And here is...

President Obama: A freshly picked rose from the Rose Garden for the First Lady?

Butler: Yes, Mr. President. And here is...

President Obama: My morning newspaper?

Butler: Yes, Mr. President.

President Obama: Thank you, Alfred...WTF!!!

photo courtesy of:

wpclipart.com

Number #1 President Obama Joke Among World Leaders

Hey, Did You Hear the One About President Obama?

A flying saucer lands on the White House lawn.

And when the alien occupants’ disembark, they find themselves surrounded by the Secret Service.

So they say to them, “Take us to your leader.”

Surprisingly, the Secret Service complies and escorts the aliens into the Oval Office where President Obama is sitting behind his desk.

The aliens pause, look at each other and then back at the Secret Service and say, “We said leader!”

To which President Obama stands up and replies, “That would be Mr. Vladimir Putin. Take a seat. I’ll get him on the phone for you.”

wpclipart.com

Top 10 Rose Parade Float Rejects for 2013

10) The Gov. Chris Christie Float – Just Chris sitting on a float, waving to a cheering crowd.

9) The Penn State Homecoming Float of Shame Float – A giant mock-up of the childhood football board game made of a sheet of metal with magnet figurines that “move” about the field when the current is turned on. Except in this version, as the football players vibrate about the board, assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, leaves the field to chase near naked boys in the shower with a rolled up wet towel.

8) The Dick Clark DNA Float – Scientists dressed in their lab coats all still very busy running around trying to clone Dick Clark in time to host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013, while a giant clock strikes midnight…Oh well, maybe next year.

7) The ♫Gangnam Style♫ Float – A float depicting Rose Parade float decorators (pedal pushers) dancing to the tune of ♫Gangnam Style♫ instead of gluing flowers to a float. In the background, the rusted metallic frame of an unfinished float. Later, the video goes viral and is awarded by Rose Parade judges the first-ever, Virtual Viral Float Award (rust qualifying as an all-natural material).

6) The Gen. David Petraeus Tunnel of Love Float – Petraeus enters the tunnel of love as a General with his wife and mistress on both arms, but he exits all alone as a Private.

5) The Re-Election of President Obama Float – The same “Hope and Change” campaign slogan float he first entered back in 2008. Only this time with the words “Change and Hope” switched places.

4) The Fiscal Cliff Float – A yellow school minibus filled with members of Congress, the Senate and the White House. As they fight and throw spitballs at each other, the distracted driver (Ben Bernanke) begs them to sit down and behave, as he drives off the fiscal cliff.

3) The Supreme Court Musical Chairs Float – While the theme song from the ‘Three Stooges’ plays in the background, Conservative Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts, attempts to switch chairs with the liberal justices on the bench before the music ends.

2) The Super Storm Sandy Float – Two palm trees swaying in the wind with the caption: “Better Hold on to Your Coconuts. It Looks Like We’re in for Quite a Blow Job.”

1) The Great Recession Float – The same rag tag float running since 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and now…2013?

wpclipart.com

White House Calling Romney Luncheon ‘Beer and Cookies Summit’

“No, no. I’ll be having the beer.
Gov. Romney will be having the cookies.”

Washington, D.C. –

In the wake of his re-election, President Obama has been rumored to have been both figuratively and literally ‘spiking the ball’ all around the White House, following it up with a ban NFL style victory shuffle.

“He goes from room to room tossing a small palm-sized green Nerf football in the air, catching it and spiking it into the ground,” said a White House staffer. “All while making congratulating stadium cheering noises to himself and doing a little dance.”

Reportedly, the president has gotten worse in the last few days, apparently in anticipation of his luncheon with Gov. Mitt Romney, making strange requests from the White House kitchen staff.

“He asked us if we knew of any dishes we could serve up that included crow in the recipe,” said a White House chef.

The president addressed the White House maintenance staff as well.

“He asked if we could change the doorbell ringer,” said the White House maintenance man. “Now it plays the theme song from ‘Rocky’ when you press it.”

Katy Perry’s Obama Political Slogan 'Forward' Dress Wardrobe Malfunction

Oops, not again.

Washington, D.C. –

While wearing an Obama Forward dress, attempting to reenact the famous iconic cinematic scene where Marilyn Monroe’s white dress suddenly blows upward exposing her legs, Katy Perry experienced a major wardrobe malfunction.

In that movie, The Seven-Year Itch (1955), the blonde bombshell was standing on a subway air vent. As a New York City subterranean commuter train passes underneath her, a gentle gust of wind blows up her dress.

“For an instant, the mind’s eye swears it sees more than it actually does,” said Katy Perry’s manager. “That’s the effect she was going for.”

“I don’t understand what went wrong,” said a stagehand as he rushed backstage looking for a ladder. “It all worked fine in rehearsals.”

During those rehearsals, Katy Perry stood on the pre-designated spot above a graded metal mesh with a high-powered turbine stationed below.

“It simulated the gust of air from a passing subway train,” said the air blower operator. “Enough to lift up her dress a little just like in the movie.”

Only during those rehearsals, Katy Perry had to use a stand in dress made of Egyptian cotton, as the Obama Forward dress made of latex had not yet been delivered to her until the night of the show.

As Katy Perry put on the latex dress, the air blower operator was told nothing of this.

“I was told nothing of this,” later said the air blower operator.

Standing on the iron grate, the air blew upward like in rehearsal. However, this time Katy Perry’s dress did not budge an inch.

“There was enough force generated to blow up her cotton dress that she wore at rehearsals,” said the stagehand now with a ladder in tow. “But it didn’t have the force to lift up the latex dress she was wearing during her live performance.”

Katy Perry not wanting to disappoint her fans signaled the air blower operator to increase the wind speed.

“I tried to warn her that it would take near hurricane wind speed to lift up that latex dress of hers it was so tight,” said the air blower operator. “I guess she didn’t her me on account of the wind whistling in her ears.”

As the air blower operator increased the wind speed, the giant turbine made a jet engine like swooshing sound.

“The wind blew up her Obama Forward dress alright,” said the stagehand as he positioned the ladder under Katy Perry. “Like a balloon.”

Katy Perry’s latex balloon dress lifted her up into the rafters.

With her legs dangling from the scuffling, Katy Perry fans below were delighted to look up and see a sight of their sexy Siren like they never seen before.

“Now sometimes it’s best to settle for what the mind’s eye sees,” said the stagehand as he helped Katy Perry down the ladder, trying not to look up. “And sometimes what you see with your own eyes can blow your mind.”

Last on: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire President? Joke #1

Is Anybody Really Ready to Answer
This 3 AM Phone Call?

Unlike the other two presidential debates, although advertised as unfiltered, this last one still seemed rehearsed.

At times, it even felt as if we were watching an episode of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. However, instead of Regis Philbin hosting, it was Bob Schieffer.

Q: Gov. Romney, what would you do as president if you got word that the Israeli airforce was on the way to bomb Iran?

Gov. Mitt Romney: Get Me Big Bird Binder Women Now!

"Where Are My Big Bird Binder Women?!"

Washington, D.C .–

One of then Governor Mitt Romney of Massachusetts staff members has now stepped forward, accusing him of not asking for a binder of women to select a qualified candidate to serve in his administration. If true, the accusation directly contradicts what he said on national TV during the second presidential debate, damaging his candidacy.

“He didn’t ask for a binder of women,” said the former staff member. “He asked for a binder of big bird women.”

Initially, Gov. Romney’s staff was baffled by the bizarre request.

“We all said, ‘What?!” the former staffer said.

However, Gov. Romney repeated his request in writing on a Post-It note.

Gov. Romney’s staff immediately began working on putting together a binder of big bird women.

“We made calls to the local chapter of the National Audubon Society and a paper mill,” said the ex-staffer.

Despite their calls, the staff got nowhere.

“They just kept hanging up on us,” said the former staffer.

Finally, someone got an idea.

“We got a list of qualified female candidates from the U.S. Women’s Chamber of Commerce,” said the former staffer. “And ordered a binder from the printer in bright canary yellow.”

When the staff presented the yellow binder titled “Binder of Big Bird Women” to the governor, he opened it up and with his eyes closed, randomly picked out a name with his index finger.

“There,” reportedly said Gov. Romney, peeking through one eye. “Hire her. She looks qualified.”

Madonna Booed by Fans for Planned Post-Election ‘Wardrobe Malfunction’

New York, New York –

While on stage, the material girl was booed by her fans when she announced to them her plans to have a post-election celebratory wardrobe malfunction in honor of President Barack Obama's reelection, should he win.

“That’s right,” said Madonna to her concert going fans, using finger air quotes to emphasize her point. “I’ll have a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ just for you, if you vote for Obama and he’s reelected. But you got to vote for him and he has to get reelected, okay?”

Madonna then turned to her band and dancers ready to begin her set when someone in the audience spoke up.

“Keep them on,” heckled a fan from somewhere in the audience. “Or else, we’ll vote for the other guy.”

The crowd cheered in agreement.

“You don’t understand,” replied Madonna, turning to face the crowd. “I meant that I’d get naked, really naked. Just for you. Right here on this stage, if you vote for President Obama and he’s reelected.”

The crowd booed in disapproval.

A disillusioned Madonna just shrugged her shoulders and smiled nervously not knowing what to do.

“Just sing,” yelled out another fan.

The crowd applauded in agreement.

Backstage somebody in Madonna’s entourage signaled the band to play and the dancers to dance when she suddenly signaled for them to stop.

“Let me get this straight,” said a disgruntled Madonna, walking out to the very edge of the catwalk. “You mean you don’t want to see this magnificent 50-year-old body naked?”

“No!” unanimously yelled out the throng.

“You do realize 50 is the new 20, right?” asked Madonna.

“It’s not!” echoed the crowd.

The band began to play again and the dancers began dancing again when Madonna signaled for them to stop again.

Madonna looked out to the crowd and for a moment she looked as if she was about to cry when a look of bliss suddenly came over her face.

“Oh I get it now,” said Madonna in full denial. “You’re all Mitt Romney supporters. That’s cool. I can live with that.”

Madonna signaled the band to begin playing and the dancers to dance, drowning out the crowds’ response.

“♫Like a virgin♫,” sang Madonna with all her heart. Only this time, as if to herself.

An Obama Green Joke

Q: How many President Obama terms in office does it take to screw-in an energy-saving incandescent light bulb?

A: Two, apparently.

Photo Courtesy of:
wpartclip.com

FunFakeNews.Com -- An Inadvertent (Social) Satire of the New Dawn of the Age of Yellow Journalism?

I’m still going through the learning curve here on how to operate this idiot proof website; so please, be patient with me. I have much more Fun Fake News to share with you that will put a smile on your face, lighten up your heart and maybe even make *milk shoot out of your nose.

*Be advised that the above aforementioned neither implies a guarantee nor infers a warranty that the above aforementioned will occur; and if it should, that said reader hereby waives all rights to take legal action against said writer or publisher.

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