Dick Clark, Dionne Warwick and Her Psychic Friends Network to Co-Host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013

New York, New York --

If you find yourself tuning into ABC to watch Ryan Seacrest host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013 instead of Dick Clark (due to his untimely death earlier this year), you have only yourself to blame. As it is obvious that you have not hooked up with Dionne Warwick and her Psychic Friends Network. 

“Dick Clark personally asked me and my psychic friends network to co-host his TV show with him,” said Dionne Warwick at a press conference, which she recorded to be aired later as an infomercial.   

According to Dionne Warwick, Dick Clark psychically contacted her just a week ago with his special request.

“He said to me, ‘Dionne, remember when I use to play your records on American Bandstand?’” said Dionne Warwick as she rolled back her eyes in a hypnotic trance like state, while impersonating Dick Clark’s voice. “‘Well, I want you and your psychic friends network – the one’s that can carry a tune -- to sing all your old hits on my show Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013, okay?’”

“What else could I say but yes,” said Dionne Warwick as she came out of the trance.

If you would like to hear Dick Clark host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013 one last time, it will only cost you $5.00 for the first minute and $1.95 every minute thereafter (check with your local telephone company as toll charges may apply).

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

Dick Clark Still Scheduled to Host New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2022 TV Show Live

New York, New York –

At first everyone thought it was incredibly brave and admirable of Dick Clark to have optimistically scheduled himself as the host of Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2021. Especially after his decision to return to the show despite his advanced years, suffering a debilitating stroke that slurred his speech and ironically being sued for age discrimination by an associate just a few years his senior that he referred to as a “dinosaur”.

That was until everybody discovered Dick Clark was not just being optimistic.

Writing provisions in his will, instructing his survivors to make preparations that will continue to allow him to host the show ‘indefinitely and in perpetuity’ after his death, Dick Clark has not only secured the title of America’s oldest teenager, but its first immortal one as well.

“With a little help from a medium, ouija board and a crystal ball, Dick Clark’s ghost will host this year’s New Year’s Eve bash,” said a spokesman for the Clark estate.

Dick Clark’s will also included a backup plan, however, should the seer fail to channel him from beyond.

“We’re also prepared to broadcast a giant hologram of his head live from the Time Square ticker board,” added the spokesman for the Clark estate.

Either way, Dick Clark will return to the airwaves come this New Year’s Eve.

So far, however, reaction to Dick Clark’s return to the airwaves postpartum from even the most ardent of his fans has been mixed and conflicted at best.

“I don’t know if he should continue to host the show,” said Jane, 67, who watched Dick even after he had a stroke. “But then again, it’s like my grandfather always said to me, ‘Jane, death is just Mother Nature’s way of telling you to slow down.’”

Maybe Dick Clark should lay low awhile and let someone else have a turn. You know, just until next year.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Occupy Time Square [Countdown] Ball?

New York, New York --

Acting on Internet chatter allegedly picked up from a group of protestors described as a splinter cell, which supposedly broke off from the Occupy Wall Street movement earlier last month, the NYPD announced today that they have uncovered secret plans to disrupt this year’s New Year’s Eve Time Square celebration, using an Occupy-Style protest.

“The Occupy Wall Street splinter cell is calling their planned protest: ‘Operation Occupy New Year's Eve Time Square Countdown Ball’,” said police.

However, the NYPD has another name for the unlawful act of civil disobedience, naming after the splitter cell.

“They call themselves, ‘The Possums,’” said police. “So we’re calling the planned protest: 'Operation Possum Drop.”

According to the NYPD, “The Possums” formed shortly after the police raid on Zuccotti Park last month. Splintering from the main body of Occupy Wall Street, planning to occupy the Time Square Countdown Ball ever since.

The city’s Department of Public Works has confirmed that the interior of the countdown ball is hollow. And more than capable of accommodating several people, though its structure mostly consists of aluminum, glass and light bulbs.

“But don’t let that fool you, it’s very sturdy,” said Sonia Santana, a city engineer who is responsible for inspecting the countdown ball. “In fact, it has a posted three person maximum capacity.”

Mrs. Santana, who has personally been inside the jubilant sphere while it was being dropped, claims the ride down is as smooth as any elevator.

“But I’ve only been dropped during testing,” said Mrs. Santana. “I’ve never been dropped on New Year’s Eve before.”

To ensure the New Year’s Eve celebration will be carried off without a hitch, Mrs. Santana will be riding inside the countdown ball. Accompanied by two policemen.

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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