Time and Space, Enough!

Is Time and Space enough to solve one last mystery of the Universe then? 

Outside physical confirmation of the Higgs boson, CERN has been shooting blanks lately. 

Especially when it comes to proving that Dark Matter Theory matters in the formation and continued existence of our (still so-called mono) Universe.

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Copyright © 2017 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

String Theory Now Officially a Philosophy?

Despite the recent discoveries made in the field of physics at CERN, Cambridge just announced that String Theory will now be taught by the philosophy department...What are they preparing us for?



Copyright (c) 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.  

God Particle Changes Periodic Table, Updated to Reflect CERN Discovery And Pluto's Still Not a [BLEEPING] Planet!

Periodic Table Now Lists the God Particle
to the Delight of Intelligent Design (ID)
Believers and String Theorist alike.

By Robert W. Armijo

All the periodic tables in the science section have recently been updated to reflect the Organisation européenne pour la recherche nucléaire (CERN) discovery of the God Particle.

The move comes on the recommendation of the International Astronomical Union (IAU). 

The same organization that brought democracy to science when they voted that Pluto was not a planet back in 2006 during their XXVIth general assembly in Prague, Czech Republic. 

"After the discovery of the God Particle at CERN,” said a spokesman for IAU. “We knew it was just a matter of time before we had to put the update of the periodic table to the vote as well.”

Updating the periodic table encountered little resistance, passing almost unanimously among the IAU membership. 

Only one scientist abstained from the vote, claiming that to participate in such a democratic process would be wanton abandonment of the scientific method.  

“Science is not a democracy,’ said Professor Thomas Windset. “You just cannot put the scientific method to the vote.”

Prof. Windset also abstained from the ‘Pluto: Planet or Not?’ vote for the same reasons back in 2006.

This diagram once depicted Pluto’s peaceful orbit in our
solar system. Now it serves as a bitter reminder to its
celestial outcast social status to current and future
susceptible and unsuspecting generations of judgmental stargazers.

Back then, Prof. Windset stood before the general assembly in Prague in protest.

“Pluto not a planet?! Really?!” said Prof. Windset, as he shook his head in disbelief.  “What’s next ladies and gentleman of science, updating the periodic table if and when we ever discover the so-called 'God Particle'?”

“I was being sarcastic,” explained Prof. Windset, as he recalled Neil deGrasse Tyson sitting in the front row, rubbing his chin and nodding his head in agreement. “I should’ve kept my big mouth shut.”



Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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Open Mic Night at Caltech 1.3: What calls did quantum mechanics make when they smash particles into each other at near the speed of light in the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN, discovering the Higgs boson?

Get Ready to Laugh Because Once Again...It's Open Mic Night at Caltech!

Q: What calls did quantum mechanics make when they smash particles into each other at near the speed of light in the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) at CERN, discovering the Higgs boson?

A: Schrödinger's cat calls.

It’s funny, because it’s both true and false at the same time.

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Copyright (c) 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Open Mic Night at Caltech 1.2: Quantum Zeno Effect [Turing Paradox] Stand Up “Cause or Effect?” Comedy Planck Time (tP)

Open Mic Night at Caltech 1.2: Quantum Zeno Effect [Turing Paradox] Stand Up “Cause or Effect?” Comedy Planck Time (tP)

Q: Why did the Conseil Européen pour la Recherche Nucléaire (CERN) order a case of eye drops for the entire Large Hadron Collider (LHC) campus?
 

A: So its physicists wouldn’t suffer dry-eye and blink. Thereby preventing the decay of any sub-atomic particles observed.

 


It’s funny, because it’s both true and false at the same time.


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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Which is Most Likely to Be Proven Or Resolved, Ever?

"What the [BEEP] Are You Talking About You Mother [BLEEP]?
 I Never Give Multiple Choice Tests. Sorry, I accidentally hit the Bleep Button, Twice. What I Really Meant to Say Was..."

Which is Most Likely to Be Proven Or Resolved, Ever?

A: String Theory

B: Zeno’s Dichotomy Paradox   
 
C: Pi [3.14159265359...]
 
D:  B and/or C





Answer: D





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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

"Hey, Ph. D. Cooper! Are You in There [Caltech]?

"Hey, Ph.D. Cooper [Big Bang Theory, TV show]! Are you in there [Caltech]? Come out! I got evidence that will finally prove String Theory is real…Not!"

To all the physicists that subscribe to String Theory that didn’t find this joke particularly funny: 

Don’t worry, eventually…you will.


Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.