|We All Watch as Megan Fox Follows |
Alice's 'White Rabbit' Down Its Hole
By Robert W. Armijo
Megan Fox shocked expectant mothers everywhere when she announced on Jimmy Kimmel Live last week that her unborn child speaks to from her womb.
The following is an unedited transcript of that strange interview. If you have seen it, you may notice how the unedited transcript differs from the aired version, which appears here in bold type.
“Really?” said a surprised and shocked Jimmy Kimmel. “You’re not putting me on? Are you?”
“No,” said a serious Megan Fox. “He talks to me all the time. In fact, he told me to move to L.A. so I did.”
[Unedited Version Begins]
“Really?” said Kimmel. “So do you use a Ouija board or what?
“Yup,” said Megan Fox. “But just at first. Now he talks to me without it.”
“What does he sound like?” asked a suspicious Kimmel.
“He has a very deep, gritty grainy gurgly voice,” said Megan Fox.
“Are you concerned? Asked Kimmel.
“No,” said Megan Fox. “He told be he has a cold. So he won’t sound like that when he’s born.”
“What else has he told you?” asked Kimmel.
“Well, there’s one thing he repeatedly tells me over and over again,” said Megan Fox.
“What’s that?” asked a somewhat frightened Kimmel.
“He says that as soon as he gets out of my womb,” said Megan Fox.
“Yes,” said Kimmel as he pulled out a crucifix from his desk drawer.
“He says that he’s going to get that snake that keeps spiting in his eye,” continued Megan Fox.
“Oh, I see,” said Kimmel, who started making the cut off signal of his hand to his throat to the TV show’s producer standing off stage.
“He’s even told me what he wants me to name him when he’s born,” said Megan Fox.
“Really?” replied Kimmel. “What’s that? Damien?”
“No, silly,” replied Megan Fox.
“Are you at liberty to share it with us?” asked Kimmel, as he made the sign of the cross.
“Sure,” replied Megan Fox. “He wants me to name him, Eggbert.”
“After Speedy Eggbert the Windows-based PC game?” asked Kimmel.
“No,” replied Megan Fox.
“Oh, I got it,” said Kimmel. “After Eggbert the Slightly Cracked Egg.”
“No,” said Megan Fox. “Like Eggbert the award winning book series about an unborn child by LAF.”
“Of course, what was I thinking?” said a visibly relived Kimmel. “That makes perfect sense.”
Copyright © 2016 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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