|Better Make All Your Bucket Wishes Come True Before It's Too Late|
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
The world famous and heart-string pulling Make A Wish foundation, which is known for granting wishes to qualified children stricken with terminal illnesses, announced today that it is expanding their services to include the elderly, dying of old age and natural causes. They are calling their new foundation the Bucket Wish List.
“It dawned us that with the introduction of Obamacare that many, many children who are ill now have access to healthcare.” said a spokesman for Make A Wish.“Therefore, they no longer need our services.”
Looking for new clients to serve, Make A Wish turned to the elderly to justify and expand their continued existence.
“Thousands of elderly die every day not realizing their lifelong dreams,” said Make A Wish. “We want to make those dreams come true. You know, before it’s too late.”
The Bucket Wish List foundation will work very much the same way as Make A Wish in regards to its process in selecting a qualified candidate.
“All grandma or grandpa have to do is sit down at the kitchen table and write us a letter explaining to us why we should make their bucket wish list come true,” said Make A Wish.
One of the first Bucket Wish List winners was Samuel Jones, 87. He had one of his wishes from his bucket list come true.
“Mr. Jones got to spend the whole day with is grandson,” said a spokesman for the Bucket Wish List.
Mr. Jones was then invited to spend the night at his daughter’s house where he had a home cooked meal. His first in years.
After dinner, Mr. Jones quietly passed away in his sleep.
“See!” said a spokesman for Bucket Wish List. “Another wish come true.”
Joanna Thompson, 89, was also selected and had her bucket list wish come true too.
“Ms. Thompson’s wish is a very popular among the elderly today,” said a spokesman for the Bucket Wish List.
After some extensive negations with the California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV), the Bucket Wish List was able to get Ms. Thompson’s driver’s license temporally reinstated for a day.
However, after loading up her rental car with her friends from the retirement home where she resides, Ms. Thompson and her friends have not been seen or heard from since.
“Fortunately, none of the family of the missing elderly have yet noticed their parents are missing,” said the Bucket Wish list spokesman.
“Some of our residents have reported receiving phone calls from the road from Ms. Thompson and her friends,” said a spokesman for the retirement home. “However, they are unable to recall the location they were made from.”
Authorities do not believe that the residents of the retirement home are suffering from memory loss but are attempting to cover for their missing friends.
So police have obtained a court order to bug the phones at the retirement home and obtained a warrant to search the premise.
“The phone monitoring hasn’t panned out for us yet,” said police. “The residents must have tipped off their friends on the road. All we got is hours and hours of grandmas talking a bunch of baby talk to their grand kids.”
Police have discovered more promising evidence as to the location of the rouge elderly.
“We found a map hanging on the back of the closet door of one the residents that reported receiving some phone calls from the road before he suddenly came down with a case of selected memory loss,” said police.
Careful examination of the map showed it riddled with pinholes in area surrounding the southwest.
“He’s no dummy,” said police. “Grandpa removed all the pins.”
Police questioned the elderly man in the recreation room.
However, the elderly man held up to the intense police interrogation, insisting it was a message for his blind roommate.
Not taking any chances, police called in the elderly man’s blind roommate to read the message on the map.
“It says,” said the old blind man.
“Yes,” police said with much anticipation.
“It says,” repeated the blind old man, carefully running his fingers over the pinholes.
“Come on old man!” said police. “Quit you’re staling. What’s it say?!”
“It says,” continued the old blind man “It says [BLEEP] you! Pigs!”
Both elderly men were taken into custody for further questioning down at the police station.
However, both were able to escape from the back of the police car, as one of the elderly men was reportedly a retired magician.
Police are confident the two men will be apprehended as well as Ms. Thompson and her friends.
“We’ll be calling in the resources of the Department of Homeland Security,” said police. “We will use their metadata mining to track down Ms. Thompson and her antediluvian gang.”
According to the police, they will find Ms. Thompson and her friends by analyzing the number motor vehicle accidents involving the elderly in the last 48 hours.
Even if Ms. Thompson has not crashed her car yet, police believe she eventually will.
“That’s a statical fact,” said police. “And that’s when we’ll catch her.”
In light of the unintended consequences, Bucket Wish List has suspended its operations.
“It’s so much easier working with kids,” said a spokesman for the Bucket Wish List.
“Unlike children, the elderly have lived a full life,” said a spokesman for Make A Wish. “As a result, their unfilled wishes are more difficult to make come true.”
Photo courtesy of wpclipart.com
Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.