|"Listen, Val. Like I said. I had Chinese takeout the night before."|
Friday, September 4, 2015
The first to take the next evolutionary step for mankind, the Whitehouse announced today that President Obama turned into a beam of translucent light.
“President Obama is now pure energy,’’ said a spokesman for the Whitehouse.
The event happened at noon EST, while the president was sitting at his desk in the Oval Office.
“He was on the phone talking to Russian President, Vladimir Putin at the time,” said the spokesman.
The two world leaders had been discussing China’s recent observance of the 70th anniversary of the allied victory over the fascist axis forces of WWII when President Putin asked President Obama why he did not attend the event.
President Obama replied that he already had Chinese takeout the night before and therefore did not feel the need to attend.
“That’s when it happened,” said the spokesman. “He turned into a beam of light and ascended straight to heaven.”
Meanwhile, the Secret Service is conducting its own investigation into the matter or anti-matter.
“We’re not dismissing the possibility that the president evolved,” said a spokesman for the Secret Service. “After all, he has done it before when he changed his position on same sex marriage.”
Although refusing to go on the record, it is believed by security experts that the Secret Service is looking into the more likely alternative possibility that the president was struck by a Chinese-made high energy particle beam weapon from an orbiting platform in space.
“After all, America has lost its technical advantage to China,” said a security expert. “Having fallen behind in developing new more advanced weapon systems, due to its never ending war on terrorism.”
“It’s a Whitehouse cover up,” said a spokesman for the GOP. “They know damn well the president was hit by a Chicom military satellite. They just don’t want to admit that America has fallen behind the Chinese. Instead, they rather have the American people believe their president evolved into a beam of light. When will this administration ever take responsibility for its mistakes? It’s Benghazi all over again.”
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Copyright © 2015 by Robert W. Armjo. All rights reserved.