By Robert W.
Armijo
“Not since
the Spanish Inquisition had the Catholic Church seen such a surge in
conversions,” confessed Pope Francis at a special Mass held in Washington, D.C.
where he canonized the eighth century missionary and first saint on American
soil.
“Father
Junipero Serra was like, like..” the Pope from Argentina said. Then he paused,
turning to his Cardinals., speaking to them in Italian.
Pope Francis
then looked out to the congregation, shrugging his shoulders in obvious
frustration.
“Um, how do
you say in America,” continued the Holy See but this time in English. “Oh, yeah.
Now I remember. Father Junipero Serra was like your Terminator...”
The congregation
sucked
in a collective gasp.
“...Unstoppable,”
continued the Pope, unaffected by the congregation’s reaction.
The
congregation breathed out a collective sigh of relief.
“He just
kept converting and converting and converting,” continued the Pope. “Until
there was no one left...”
“...To
convert,” continued the Pope, still unaffected by the congregation’s reaction.
Again, the
congregation breathed out a collective sigh of relief.
Protests by
Native Americans were held throughout the nation, but more so in California
where Father Junipero Serra built a string of missions across the state.
The Vatican
has acknowledged the atrocities committed on Native Americans by the Church.
Pope John
Paul II even went so far as to issue an official apology over a decade ago.
“Many of my
people died,” somberly reflected, Long Bear; a Native American and a major stake
holder in the Morongo Desert Indian Casino. “Here, let me comp you."
Long Bear then
pulled out of his back pocket a bundle of business-sized cards, bound together
with a rubber band.
“Show this
card to the cashier at the all-you-can-eat buffet,” said Long Bear. “And your
meal will be free.”
Then, after
pausing a moment, Long Bear shuffled through some more cards.
“Here,” said
Long Bear, after exchanging cards.
“She’ll take
half off your meal with this one instead,” said Long Bear.
“The missions
worked well together,” explained the Pope. “All acting like a giant net; so if the
natives escaped one, they’d get caught by the other.”
Pope Francis
then further illustrated his point by pretending to be vigorously running from
one end of the alter to the other; each time being intercepted by a Cardinal at
opposite ends.
The
congregation nervously laughed at the Pope’s comedic antics.
“Let me be
serious now,” said the Pope, as he waited for the laughter to die down.
“Sure many
native peoples lost their lives,” finally acknowledged, Pope Francis. “But
consider this, if you will: how many more of them that managed to survive have since
gained life, eternal?”
This time, the
congregation did not know whether to let out a collective gasp or sigh. So they
settled on nervous applause instead.
Photos
courtesy of wpclipart.com
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