Thursday, November 27, 2014

Obama Makes Amnesty Joke, Turning National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Day into Amateur Open Mic Night at the White House

President Obama Auditions for
His Next Career Choice?
Washington, D.C. –

Further fostering rumors that he is seriously considering a post-presidential career in comedy, President Obama did what many stand-up comedians are claiming was a set today. 

It all allegedly occurred during the traditional seasonal ceremony of the National Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon Day at the White House.

Standing before the press pool next to two Tom turkeys named Mac and Cheese – Cheese having recently won a race on Twitter by a neck for the presidential pardon – President Obama made a joke.

“It referred to last week’s controversial signing of his executive order, which Republicans claim is little more than amnesty for the undocumented,” said a reporter. 

Once the president got a laugh from his amnesty joke by the press pool, there was no stopping him.

Pulling out a piece of folded paper from inside his coat jacket, the president licked his thumb and unfolded the paper.

“So you liked that one,” said the president. “Well, hold on to your press passes.”

President Obama went on to tell several more jokes, which also made the press pool laugh. 

“Then he pulled the mic off the podium,” reported a reporter. 

Obama began walking back-and-fourth in front of the press pool, while still making the members of the media laugh with his humorous contemporary presidential observations.

At one point in his set, the president even went into the audience, stepping off the slightly elevated stage. 

“That drove the Secret Service crazy,” said another reporter.

“Take it easy there boys,” said President Obama. “I wish you guys would’ve been on it like this back in Columbia. Or at least Ferguson. I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You guys do a great job. Really, you do. Just ask anyone of the surviving Kennedy Klan -- What, What?!” 

“That’s when the crowd began to turn,” said a member of the press. 

“What’s the matter?” asked the president to a deadly silent audience. “Did everybody forget what happened in Columbia or downtown Dallas with these guys?” 

“Nobody laughed,” noted a journalist. 

The president looked out over the audience, hearing only the occasional nervous cough. 

“Hey, I bet that’s what happened to you boys,” said the president, turning to his Secret Service security detail. “You guys must have thought you were in Dallas...Sorry, I meant, Vegas.”

Members of the media began to leave. 

“Because as you know,” said the president, as he began to explain the joke to the audience. “What happens in Dallas. Stays in Dallas?” 

Again, silence, broken only by the occasional nervous cough. 

The president then retreated to the stage, placing the mic back into its stationary position, folding up his piece of paper, putting back in his breast pocket.

“Getting back to the task at hand,” said the president, as he gestured to Mac and Cheese. “I assure you that with this presidential pardon…and this executive order! -- What, What?!

Everybody in the pressroom laughed out loud. 

The president looked out over the audience with a smile as he reached for his coat pocket.

“President Obama then fired off a series of jokes in a rapid succession,” said a reporter.

Each one generating some form of laughter or another. At least until the last one.

“Why did the undocumented fowl cross the Potomac?” rhetorically asked the president. “To get amnesty! -- What, What?!” 

Sporadic laughter came from the audience.

“Don’t expect to find any of these so-called turkeys in your oven,” said the president. “Thanks to my  presidential pardon and amnesty granting executive order these birds will have flown the coop -- What, What?!

Nervous laughter now emanated from the audience. 

“In fact,” said the president. “Because of the mishandling of the economy by the previous administration and that of my very own, millions of Americans won’t be eating Mac or Cheese this Thanksgiving. However, they’ll be eating Mac and Cheese for Thanksgiving -- What, What?!

Absolute stillness from the audience, not even broken by an occasional random dry cough.

Oblivious to the sound of silence, hearing only the laughter that continued ringing in his head, the president walked out of the pressroom with his arms in the air, thumbs up.

The White House press agent then took to the podium.

“Alright, let’s give it up for the comedy stylings of the leader of the free world,” said the White House press agent, turning on the applause sign. 

Looking over at each other, not knowing how to react, members of the media reluctantly stood up and slowly started to clap their hands, just as directed by the White House press agent. 

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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