Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Bollywood Style ‘Mr. Poo’ Serenades Millions to Stop Taking a Dump…Outside

Perhaps UNICEF Failed to Consider That
There Are Other Public Safety Concerns?
New Delhi, India --

Hoping to create a cultural shift (that’s right, shift) away from the estimated millions of Indians defecating millions of kilos of feces in the streets and use the toilet instead, UNICEF has launched a public service announcement (PSA) campaign that has taken a form like no other. 

To the toe-tapping tunes of ‘Poo2Loo’, a high-production value Bollywood style video featuring an animated ‘Mr. Poo’ and his many, many friends signing and dancing, all encouraging people to use the amenities. 

“We wanted to make it a catchy tune,” said a UNICEF spokesman. “One that would stick in your head just as easily as [BLEEP] that sticks to the bottom of your shoes.”

However, UNICEF may have bit off more than it can chew with ‘Poo2Loo’, judging from the steeply culturally entrenched attitudes of the people on the streets of India. 

Moreover, it is more than tradition that many people of India are hanging on to when it comes to going to the bathroom outside, but surprisingly well rationalized thought behind it all as well. 

Here are just a few of those cogent arguments of those people poo, pooing the UNICEF anti-pooing in public campaign:

The Great Outdoorsman’s Argument 

“I’ll keep dropping a deuce in public. There’s just nothing like taking one outside. All that clean fresh air.” 

“Inside is no place to go number two. Outside I don’t have to smell my own sh*t, just someone else’s.”

“Toilets are too confining. I get claustrophobic and panic. And then I get the runs...I have to run outside to take a poo.”

The Domestic Tranquility Argument

“I could use a toilet. I have one at home. But I choose not to use it. Do you know why? Because, my wife has nagged me much too much about leaving the seat up. So, I started going outside again. We haven’t had an argument since.”

The Utility Argument

“I never used a toilet in my life, so why should I start now? Besides, it’s not a well thought out plan. Think about it. If you went indoors, what would you use to wipe your ass? All the rocks, leaves and small rodents are outside.” 

The Infrastructure Argument

“If we all use toilets, what will we use to fill up our potholes?”

The Family Tradition Argument

“It’s a family tradition to go outside. I’ve crapped outside all my life as did my father and his father and his father before him.”

“When you use a toilet, only one person can take a crap at a time. Outside, however, the whole family can take a poo all at the same time and all together, too. I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’d lose quality time with my family, if any of us started using a toilet.” 

The Natural Law Argument

“UNICEF can’t see the forest through the trees. The way I see it is like this: A bear sh*ts in the woods, so why can’t a man drop a deuce in the crowed streets of New Delhi now and then?” 

The Peer Pressure Argument

“If I didn’t do it, somebody else would -- Oh crap! Somebody just took my favorite street corner.” 

The Slippery Slope Argument

“If they’re successful at stopping us from crapping in the streets. Next thing you know, they’ll have us picking up our dog sh*t too.” 

The Pacifist, Non-Violent Civil Resistance Argument

“I don’t care what this so-called ‘Mr. Poo’ says to do. I always ask myself, ‘What would Gandhi do?’ Would he take a poo in public? And you know what the answer is? 

Yes! 

And do you know how I know? Because, I took a poo with him too. 

That’s right. It was during our fight for independence from Great Britain that many times I squatted down next to Gandhi. You’ve heard of the saying a ‘sit-in’ haven’t you? Well, we invented it. Only back then, we called them sh*t-ins. You guys just cleaned it up. 

You know what? That’s exactly what we need right now: another national poo-poo pride parade. A good old fashion sh*t-in. I know it’s not what ‘Mr. Poo’ would do and that’s why I’m doing it. 

In fact, I’m going to encourage all my family and friends to do it right now. 

We’ll fill up on a hardy meal and march to the capital and show ‘Mr. Poo’ a thing or two. 

We’ll have the biggest sh*t-in he has ever seen…or smelled for that matter.”  

UNICEF openly admits its anti-poo PSA campaign problem maybe a generational one, and that they have to target a younger audience in the long run to archive their public safety goal.

“You might say that this time around, we missed the bowl,” said the UNICEF spokesman.

Copyright © 2008-2014 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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