Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Baby Prince George Attends First “Playdate” (A.K.A. Pox Party) in New Zealand

Auckland, New Zealand --

“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge sent out royal invitations to the parents of children with known communicable and highly contagious diseases,” said a spokesman for the royal couple.  

The pox party is considered politically incorrect so it has recently acquired the euphemistic term “playdate” among parents still believing in the alleged immune building practice.

The practice of gathering children in large groups for the purpose of exposing them to disease in order to build up their immunity dates back to the Middle Ages.

“That’s when in the first documented case ever,” said Professor Harold Johnson, a historian. “The parents in the town of Yorkshire, England rounded up all the children in the village and subjected them to various trials and tribulations in order to determine if any of them were possessed by the devil.” 

Amazingly nearly half of the children of the town of Yorkshire were determined to be either warlocks or witches. 

“Somewhat of a statistical improbability,” said the historian. “Although still falling within the realm of possibility.”

An ancient woodcarving from the time survived, serving now as a silent witness to the incident.

“As you can clearly see,” said the historian, referring to the woodcarving. “The children were thrown down a well.” 

The children that did not drown and managed to crawl out of the well were immediately seized by the adults and burned at the stake for practicing the black arts. 

“Only the guilty were burned,” said the historian. “The innocent drowned.”

The children who did survive the ordeal did so by remaining in the well, hiding there for days. 

“Finally sneaking out under the cover of darkness, the remaining children fled to safety,” said the historian.

Professor Johnson believes this incident and others like it that began spreading throughout Europe is what actually inspired the Children’s Crusade of 1212 and possibly, the tradition of children falling down wells as well.

“The children must have figured they had a better chance of surviving an armed conflict for control of the trade routes to the Far East or the Holy Land than they did a well drowning or funeral pyre back at home,” said the historian. 

“Eventually, the practice evolved into pox parties or so-called ‘playdates’ of today,” the professor added.

“Whether or not one agrees with the practice of pox parties or the use of forward-facing baby car seats to that of the safer rear-facing ones for infant children under 24 months of age,” said a spokesman for the royal pair. “The Duke is merely carrying on with tradition.”

The Duke himself was exposed to various childhood diseases when his mother and father visited New Zealand, arranging then for his first ‘playdate’ some 30 years ago.

“I think it’s simply wonderful,” said Martha Smith, a 32-year-old New Zealander who attended both the Duke’s first playdate and now Prince George’s as well but as a mother. 

“This playdate,” continued Smith. “And the other one as well is just the Duke's way of drawing closer to us commoners. That he is. That he is. Sharing in the suffering of our filthy diseases, pestilence and plagues. I just wish he'd use a rear-facing baby car seat. At least while he’s in New Zealand. God save the Queen!”


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