Sunday, July 28, 2013

Dr. Phil Psychoanalyzes ‘Carlos Danger’ (a.k.a. Anthony Weiner)

Hollywood, California --

“Why would you, Anthony Weiner, choose a pseudonym like ‘Carlos Danger’ to conceal your online identity?” asked Dr. Phil, before a live studio audience as he sat across from the former congressman and current New York City mayoral candidate. Now days, a name made infamous more for its addiction to sexting strange women rather than a record for outstanding public service. 

“Because, I like living dangerously,” Weiner replied simply. 

“Yes, I see,” said Dr. Phil as he set aside his cellphone. “That would explain the surname of your pseudonym. However, that doesn’t explain why you chose ‘Carlos’ as the first name of your pseudonym, does it now?”

“No,” said Weiner after a long pause before answering. “It doesn’t.”

“Would you like to tell me now?” asked Dr. Phil. “Because the pseudonym you’ve chosen can provide me with immense insight into aiding me to answer the question as to the reason why you feel you have a compulsory need to engage in this self-destructive behavior of sexting strange women. Or women you don’t know very well.”

“No, I’ll tell you, Dr. Phil,” said Weiner. “I chose the name ‘Carlos’ not so much to hide my identity as to expose...”

“And who’s that?” asked Dr. Phil, as he glances over at his cellphone. 

“That would be ‘Little Carlito’,” answered Weiner. “Short for ‘Carlos’.” 

“And I presume ‘Little Carlito’ is the nickname you’ve given your penis?” asked Dr. Phil. 

“No, actually,” replied Weiner. “It’s not my nickname for it. I mean it’s its nickname. I’m not denying that. What I mean is that I didn’t come up with it.”

“Well then. This is telling,” said Dr. Phil. “Who did?”

“My wife,” replied Weiner. “In fact, it was all her idea.”

“You mean the nickname?” asked Dr. Phil.

“The nickname, the pseudonym and the whole sexting thing,” replied Weiner.

“You mean sexting to her only?” asked a surprised Dr. Phil. “And then you decided on your own volition to take it a step further. And you started sexting other women without her knowledge.”

“No,” Weiner calmly replied. “She’s into it too.”

“What kind of fool do you think I am?” Dr. Phil asked rhetorically. “Expecting me to believe your wife is the one responsible for your behavior. You’re just trying to set her up to fall on your sword -- No pun intended folks.” 

Just then, Weiner’s cellphone gave off a distinctive ring tone familiar only to him.

“Excuse me, Dr. Phil,” said Weiner, confirming who was calling him. “I got to take this call. It’s my wife.” 

“Sure,” said Dr. Phil. “Go ahead.”

As Weiner walked backstage to take his cellphone call in private, the silhouette of his slender but physically fit frame was visible from behind an opaque screen. 

“Hi, honey,” answered Weiner, unaware he was exposing his profile to Dr. Phil and the studio audience. “Just talking to Dr. Phil about you know who. What’s that? Here? Now? Well, okay. If you say so.”

Weiner then unzipped his pants, dropping them to the floor. Then while holding his cellphone out before him, he proceeded to take a series snapshots of his private parts.

“There,” said Weiner. “I just hit send. Did you get them yet? See I told you ‘Little Carlito’ is okay. I gotta go now, honey. Love you too.”

Weiner then zips up his pants, pockets his cellphone and proceeds to walk back on stage, sitting on the couch. 

“Sorry about that,” said Weiner. “Now, where was I?”

“Never mind,” said Dr. Phil.  

 Copyright © 2008-2013 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.  

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