King Kong expresses his rage at being excluded from the Rose Parade
Pasadena, California –
Only now, after the 124th Rose Parade is officially in the books, is the story coming out about how Rose Parade officials were seriously contemplating building a giant King Kong float. And placing the Grand Marshal, Jane Goodall, British ethologist and authority on wild chimpanzees, in its huge mechanical hands.
“Jane Goodall would have been completely safe,” said a Rose Parade official. “She would’ve been placed in a harness secured in the giant monkey paw.”
“It was never a question of safety,” insisted a spokesman for Jane Goodall. “Rather, it was a matter of maintaining good taste and more importantly principle.”
The float was to depict the climatic cinematic scene when King Kong was scaling the Empire State Building with Fay Wray in hand and biplanes of the period buzzing about his head.
Reportedly, Jane Goodall was so deeply offended by the proposal that she threatened to withdraw from the Rose Parade all together by resigning her position as the Grand Marshal.
“Having her assume the role of a dangling damsel in distress, caught in the clutches of an oversized so-called savage beast from the Dark Continent is exactly what Jane Goodall’s lifetime work with chimpanzees stands against,” said a spokesman for Jane Goodall. “Good God what’s wrong with you Americans? Is that all you can think of is crass commercialism and gimmicks?”
“It would have been in keeping with this year’s Rose Parade’s theme of ‘Oh the Places You’ll Go!’ by Dr. Seuss,” replied a Rose Parade official.
After receiving Jane Goodall’s rejection to the King Kong float, Rose Parade officials had no choice but to resort to having another wedding take place along the parade route to boost ratings.
“Boring,” said one Rose Parade official as he scoffed at the fallback idea behind closed doors. “Hey, I got it. Maybe next year we can spice it up a bit by making it a same sex marriage? And this time, they can be atop a giant cake float designed by Wolfgang Puck.”