Sunday, December 30, 2012

Top 10 Rose Parade Float Rejects for 2013

10) The Gov. Chris Christie Float – Just Chris sitting on a float, waving to a cheering crowd. 

9) The Penn State Homecoming Float of Shame Float – A giant mock-up of the childhood football board game made of a sheet of metal with magnet figurines that “move” about the field when the current is turned on. Except in this version, as the football players vibrate about the board, assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, leaves the field to chase near naked boys in the shower with a rolled up wet towel. 

8) The Dick Clark DNA Float – Scientists dressed in their lab coats all still very busy running around trying to clone Dick Clark in time to host Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve 2013, while a giant clock strikes midnight…Oh well, maybe next year.  

7) The ♫Gangnam Style♫ Float – A float depicting Rose Parade float decorators (pedal pushers) dancing to the tune of ♫Gangnam Style♫ instead of gluing flowers to a float. In the background, the rusted metallic frame of an unfinished float. Later, the video goes viral and is awarded by Rose Parade judges the first-ever, Virtual Viral Float Award (rust qualifying as an all-natural material).   

6) The Gen. David Petraeus Tunnel of Love Float – Petraeus enters the tunnel of love as a General with his wife and mistress on both arms, but he exits all alone as a Private.   

5) The Re-Election of President Obama Float – The same “Hope and Change” campaign slogan float he first entered back in 2008. Only this time with the words “Change and Hope” switched places.  

4) The Fiscal Cliff Float – A yellow school minibus filled with members of Congress, the Senate and the White House. As they fight and throw spitballs at each other, the distracted driver (Ben Bernanke) begs them to sit down and behave, as he drives off the fiscal cliff.     

3) The Supreme Court Musical Chairs Float – While the theme song from the ‘Three Stooges’ plays in the background, Conservative Supreme Court Justice, John Roberts, attempts to switch chairs with the liberal justices on the bench before the music ends.

2) The Super Storm Sandy Float – Two palm trees swaying in the wind with the caption: “Better Hold on to Your Coconuts. It Looks Like We’re in for Quite a Blow Job.”  

1) The Great Recession Float – The same rag tag float running since 2008, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 and now…2013? 

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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