Is the Arming of 'Miss Crabtree' Really the Answer?
Only in America could public sentiment having so immediately taken the form of national grief over the elementary school massacre of 20 kids and 6 adults, so quickly turn into panic buying of the very same assault weapons and high capacity ammunition magazine clips used in that horrific attack.
To capitalize on this disturbing trend, moreover, a gun club announced today the opening of a new controversial gun range at an abandoned elementary school.
“We figure the gun owners of all those new assault weapons and high capacity magazine clips will be wanting to use them in a similar setting as they witnessed them used in the recent media coverage of the unfortunate elementary school massacre,” said the gun club spokesman, defending the association’s actions.
The abandoned elementary school was recently sold to the gun club by a Texas school board in order to cover shortfalls leftover from years of budget cuts and neglect.
“We legally acquired title to the elementary school in a short sale,” explained an attorney for the gun club. “Otherwise the public property would have been taken over by the bank, placing the school district or the property tax payers further in debit for the full balance owed.”
School board members deny any knowledge of plans for the conversion of the elementary school into a gun range before the sale.
However, school district invoices detail the sale of graffiti scrawled student desks, outdated texts and No. 2 pencils (Made in China) to the gun club, after the conversion of the elementary school into a target range.
“We wanted to make the elementary school to look as real as possible,” explained the gun club spokesman. “So we bought excess school supplies to equip the target range.”
Each classroom is disturbingly filled with cardboard cutouts in the shape of school kids posed in numerous positions while engaged in various curricular activities.
“Although most of our are targets are stationary,” explained the gun club spokesman. “You know, students sitting at their desks, we have many more others that are mobile.”
The mobile targets are those of cardboard cutouts of school kids as well.
“Only they’re made to run on rails,” said the gun club spokesman. “To mimic the motion of a playground setting.”
Or perhaps attempted escapes.
“We have just one rule on the target range,” explained the gun club spokesman, attempting to justify his clients’ actions. “The one with the gold -- or in this case, the lead – is the one that makes the rules.”