Friday, October 5, 2012

Dr. Phil Psychoanalyzes Butt Chugging: Y’all Heard of Binge Drinking, Right? How About Fringe Drinking?

"You Mean Y'all Have Never Tried It?"

Burbank, California –

“Y’all have heard of binge drinking, right?” said Dr. Phil to his studio audience. “How about fringe drinking? Anyone hear of that before? Well, butt chugging literally means getting drunk off your ass. Pardon my French.”

Dr. Phil signals his stagehands to roll out a display table.

“Now let me ask y’all a question,” said Dr. Phil. “How many of you have tried it before? Let’s see a show of hands. Don’t be shy. After all, we’re all guilty of doing it once or twice before, right?”

Dr. Phil looked out to the studio audience, but he did not see a single hand raised up in the air.

“Come on now,” said a frustrated, Dr. Phil. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll start y’all out.”

Dr. Phil then raised his hand up in the air, admitting to the audience that he butt chugged in college.

“Now let’s see those hands,” said Dr. Phil. 

Again, Dr. Phil looked out into the studio audience for a show of hands, but his was the only one in the air. 

“Let me get this straight,” said a disbelieving Dr. Phil, while walking over to the display table. “Y’all have never. And I mean never ever butt chugged, while in college before?”

The studio audience turned to each other, shaking their heads no. 

Standing over the display table, Dr. Phil removed a black cloth uncovering alcohol and the devices used in butt chugging. As he fondly ran his hands over the funnel, tube and six pack of beer, his hands began to tremble. 

“Y’all mean you’ve never experienced the simple pleasure of opening up a cool one, pouring it down a funnel attached to a clear plastic tube inserted up your rectum before?” said an entranced, Dr. Phil as if speaking to himself.

Dr. Phil then startled everyone in his studio audience when he suddenly scooped up the butt chugging paraphernalia into his arms, grabbing the six pack of beer too. 

“I’ll be right back after a word from our sponsors,” said Dr. Phil, while running backstage.  

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved. 

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