Sunday, May 27, 2012

Lady Gaga Does Pee Wee Herman’s ‘Tequila’ Wearing Her Dildo High Heels

Jakarta, Indonesia --

Lady Gaga was visibly upset when customs agents in Indonesia confiscated her famous dildo high heel shoes during a routine airport inspection of her luggage, just moments before boarding her return flight back home to the United States.

However, that was only adding insult to injury as earlier in the day she got the bad news that she personally failed to persuade Indonesian government officials to let her perform in their otherwise conservative Islamic country.

“Lady Gaga was in Indonesia to lobby government officials to lift their ban on her show, allowing her to take to the stage in an unexploited international marketing segment she holds dear to her heart,” said a spokesperson for Lady Gaga.

Usually when a star of her intensity is personally involved in these types of negotiations with local yokels, the opposition quickly backs down, especially with pressure cooker like help from the mainstream media.

In fact, Lady Gaga was winning over the government officials until she declared her act as wholesome as American pie.

“Unfortunately the movie American Pie had been screened by the very same government officials years before and it was ban,” continued Lady Gaga’s spokesperson.

Reportedly, Lady Gaga even treated the government officials and their teenaged children to a private screening of her show at a neutral location, a commercial building in cosmopolitan downtown Jakarta.

“According to plan, Lady Gaga jumped right up onto the mahogany corporate boardroom table and began signing, ‘Born This Way,” said a spokesperson for Lady Gaga.

However, that was after she entered the room stuffed inside the belly of a giant pregnant semi-robotic puppet woman, all laid out ready to give birth.

After the giant robot woman simulated labor, Lady Gaga emerged from the synthetic womb, complete with broken sack of waters, wearing a naked baby costume with umbilical cord still attached.

The adults in the room were shocked, while the teenagers hardly lifted up their heads from their electronic communication devices.

“The kids didn’t even know who they were there to see until Lady Gaga Tweeted them,” said a government spokesman.

Quickly undergoing one of her famous mid-performance costume changes, Lady Gaga reemerged from a swaddling cloth donned a white baby cap, dipper, booties and sucking on a rubber nipple formula-filled milk bottle.

At this time during Lady Gaga’s performance, several of the government officials began to experience the dry heaves.

“That must have been when she began jumping rope. Using the umbilical cord,” said Lady Gaga’s spokesperson.

Once the kids got Lady Gaga’s Tweet, they all got up and began to grove and dance to the beat.

“Although they had trouble finding their footing, slipping and sliding on the afterbirth,” added Lady Gaga’s spokesperson.

Lady Gaga finished her act by tossing the milk bottle aside…

“And while holding out the artificial placenta in front of her, she began eating it,” said Lady Gaga’s spokesperson. “Her face red. Covered in simulated blood – Excuse me…I think I’m gonna be sick.”

While the kids cheered and applauded, all the adults began vomiting wildly.

Back at the airport, Lady Gaga finally got her dildo high heels returned to her.

“But only after agreeing to do her best Pee Wee Herman impersonation for the customs agents,” continued Lady Gaga’s spokesperson in between dry heaves.

After slipping on her high heel dildo shoes, Lady Gaga jumped up on a table and began dancing to ‘Tequila’ by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Bass.

“Maybe if she opened up her act with that to begin with we would’ve lifted the ban,” said a government official.

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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