Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Geraldo Rivera Issues ‘Hoodie’ Retraction

New York, New York –

“Ladies and gentlemen. Moms and dads everywhere,” said Gerald Rivera on Fox TV as he began his retraction for his controversial hoodie remark. “I want to issue a retraction for my anti-hoodie statement the other day. It created a controversy that was unintentional. And unnecessarily distracted the public’s attention away from the real issue at hand.”

Geraldo Rivera paused, looking down at the copy he was reading and that he held in his hands. Then he set it aside.

The executive producer who was watching Geraldo Rivera from the control room readied to give the kill switch signal to the director.

However, Geraldo Rivera went on to say that he was wrong to attribute equal fault on the hoodie for the tragic death of a teenager in Florida.

The executive producer in the control room breathed a sigh of relief.

“The way anyone dresses on the outside has absolutely nothing to do with who they really are in the inside,” said Geraldo Rivera. “Hoodies are not to blame for unwarranted suspicion or unsolicited attacks on today’s youth by other youth or the authorities.”

Geraldo Rivera then reached way down deep inside himself to reach out to the viewing audience as only he can.

“Now, I want you to get up from your couch,” said Geraldo Rivera. “And walk over to your kid’s bedroom and look through their closet right now.”

The executive producer in the control room looked puzzled, but he did not give the kill switch signal.

“I’ll give you a moment to do that,” said Geraldo Rivera in his seemingly one-to-one conversation with his viewing audience. “Are you there yet? Okay, now see that hoodie? Well, leave it alone. I want you to look pass it despite what I said about it yesterday. And I want you to look for another particular piece or pieces clothing instead.”

“Oh no!” yelled out the executive producer in the control room as he gave the kill switch signal in a panic. “There he goes again!”

“You see,” continued Geraldo Rivera as he pulled out from under his desk the control room’s kill switch, holding it up in the air on-air. “It has come to my attention that troubled teens have given up wearing gangster hoodies since I last spoke out against them.”

Security guards quickly surround Geraldo Rivera and soon a struggle ensued.

“Remember, America,” Geraldo Rivera shouted from atop his desk, fending off the security guards with rolled up copy in his hand. “You’ve been warned! If you see a teenager walking your way wearing a short-sleeved white shirt, black necktie and an engraved plastic nametag, for your safety, I beg you run for your life.”

Finally, the security guards gained control of Geraldo Rivera, pulling him down from off his desk.

“Today’s troubled teens have given up the gangster hoodie look,” said Gerald Rivera now panting, as he is lead away in handcuffs. “Now they’re going for the proselytizing young Mormon look instead! You’ve been warned America! You’ve been warned!”

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

Photo Courtesy of:
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