Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Reformed Paula Deen Vows to Deep-Fry Only Whole-Wheat Twinkies

Madison Avenue, New York --

Just a day after confirming she was diagnosed (3 years ago) as having type 2 diabetes, the Southern chef known for her wanton culinary excesses, Paula Deen, has now vowed to change her eating habits.

“If Paula Deen was able to eat her way into bad health,” said Paula Deen’s agent. “She’s certainly more than able to eat her way out of it. One deep-fried whole-wheat Twinkie at a time.”

However, longstanding critics of Paula Deen’s seemingly shameless promotion of her diabetic dietary lifestyle in an age plagued with childhood obesity are quick to point out what they regard as her total disregard for public health concerns.

Noting the 3-year lapse from her medical diagnosis of diabetes to the public disclosure of her illness.

Claming she places profits before people, using her trademarked down to earth country-style mannerism to disarm the viewing audience of any critical thinking skills.

“Some people are just simply jealous of little old me,” said Paula Deen, using her best Southern draw. “Because I know how to turn lemons into lemon-aide, y’all.”

In coming to terms with her new medical reality, however, Paula Deen claims that she was inspired to try her hand at writing romance novels for a change, combining her intimate knowledge of cooking with butter and her still inextinguishable talent to make a buck.

“It’s a story about a woman’s life-long unrequited love affair with food,” said Paula Deen’s agent, insisting the book is not an autobiography.

“Rather, it’s a manifesto,” explained Paula Deen. “Empowering women to get in touch with their sexuality by teaching them how to supplant Maslow’s hierarchy of needs by deep-frying any Freudian phallic shaped vegetables atop the food pyramid…y’all?”

Paula Deen’s new romance/cookbook is titled: Deep-Fried Green Tomatoes -- 101Ways to Deep-Fry Anything Whole-Wheat or Tubular [a.k.a. Twinkies]!

Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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