Monday, January 16, 2012

Monday Quarterbacking: How Tim Tebow Lost the Season to the New England Patriots

Denver, Colorado –

According to Tim Tebow’s teammates, he seemed to be caught in some kind of rapture.

“He seemed distracted, talking to himself the entire game,” said a Denver Bronco teammate.

“He kept throwing the ball to somebody that just wasn’t there,” said another Tebow teammate. “Or to somebody that only he could see.”

It was the first down of the first quarter of the NFL divisional playoff football game against the New England Patriots. The Scoreboard read 0-0. The din of the football stadium filled to full capacity howled like a typhoon.

All of a sudden the roar of the crowd was silenced. Even his teammates that were gathered in a huddle seemed to fade away.

“Tim,” said the disembodied voice as a shaft of light beamed down from the heavens above onto the football field below. Illuminating Tebow’s face, filling it up with grace. “Why don’t you throw a few passes to me?”

“You, my Lord?” said an astonished Tebow. “You want me to throw a few passes to you?”

“Sure, why not?” said Jesus, appearing in the flesh wearing a long white robe and sandals. “I have faith in you my son. No matter what the critics say about your record. You’re still numero uno in my book. And my book is the one that counts. The Book of Life.”

“No, that’s not it,” said Tebow, seeming to hesitate a moment.

“What is it then?” replied Jesus attempting to look causal, as he tossed about the football in his hands dropping a few times.

“Well,” said Tebow as he knelt down on one knee. “Please, forgive me my Lord.”

“Yes,” said Jesus as he began doing stretches and reaching for his toes to warm up for the play. “What is it my child?”

“Um,” Tebow stalled. “You’re not wearing the right equipment?”

Jesus suddenly stopped warming up. He walked over and touching Tebow’s face, he sensed what was wrong.

“I see,” said Jesus as he turned away. “Ye of little faith. You don’t believe in me.”

“No, no,” said Tebow crawling after Jesus, while still on his knee. “I do believe in you…I just don’t think…I just don’t think you’re cut out for football.”

“Oh you mean I’m good enough to pay for your sins with my life,” said Jesus, wielding his arms wildly in the air. “Granting you everlasting life, I might add. But I’m not good enough to catch a couple of passes, is that it?”

Tebow began to weep.

Suddenly, Jesus reached out his hand to Tebow and grabbing him by the chin slowly lifted up his head.

“Come on,” said Jesus. “Have a little faith in me.”

Tebow nodded in agreement to throw a few passes to the Lord of Lords and King of Kings.

With the New England Patriots in the lead 45-10 and just a few seconds on the clock…

“Okay, Jesus,” said Tebow to the Lord in the huddle. “You go long again.”

“Another ‘Hail Mary’, Tebow?” asked the Lord.

“Do we have a choice?” replied Tebow.

“No, it’s just that my mom might be a little busy, making other more important prayers come true,” said Jesus to his fellow angry looking Denver Bronco teammates.

The Lord paused a moment under the uncomfortable stares and then said, “Right.”

“Break!” said Tebow as the players took up their positions.

As the defensive line folded, Tebow sprung back his arm and made the final throw.

“I got it this time…” Jesus said as he reached out for the football, just out beyond the grasp of his fingertips. “I got it this time…I don’t got it this time. Me damn it!”

“And so said the Lord as the football slipped passed him yet again.” (Tim Tebow 3:16)


Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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