Touting the modern day medical benefits of ancient Chinese medicine, it was announced today that acupuncture increases fertility among women having difficulty conceiving babies.
“All infertile women need is a little prick once or twice a week to get pregnant,” said Hugh Wang, M.D. and fertility specialist. “It’s as easy as that. No big deal.”
In a double-blind test conducted by Dr. Wang on his patients at his fertility clinic in Hong Kong, one of the three control groups of infertile women were treated with acupuncture for a few secessions. While the other two control groups were either simply not treated with acupuncture at all, or given a placebo consisting of electroshock therapy.
“The group that received acupuncture from me,” said Dr. Wang as he opened the door to his medical suite, which was illuminated only by candlelight and thumped to the beat of an Al Green love ballad playing in the background. Muffled only by the wall to wall 1970s-style orange shag carpet.
Dr. Wang immediately excused himself as he ran around his medical office extinguishing vanilla scented candles, turning up the lights and turning down the volume on his state-of-the-art sound system.
“Sorry about that,” said a somewhat winded Dr. Wang as he apologized for the interruption and explained the situation. “My nurse must have stepped out for lunch and left everything turned on.”
According to Dr. Wang, the scented candles were aromatherapy. And together with the dimmed lights and music help get his patients in the mood -- For the acupuncture that is.
“Now let’s see, where was I?” said a recomposed Dr. Wang. “Oh yeah. The group that received my -- I mean -- the acupuncture treatment definitely showed increases in the rate of pregnancies, while the others did not.”
Dr. Wang then toured the hallway, which he fondly refers to as his “Hall of Fame”.
“See how it is lined on both sides and from the floor to ceiling with pictures of newborn babies?” proudly said Dr. Wang. “Their mothers all received my -- I mean -- the acupuncture treatment.”
Then Dr. Wang paused a moment, singling out a particular photograph of a baby boy well hung on the wall.
“Ah, I remember this little squirt,” said Dr. Wang as he carefully held the only golden framed photo in his hands, as if cradling a baby. “His mother was a very difficult case. I had to give her several treatments a day, weeks and even months at a time. It seemed like years had passed, until I finally her got pregnant. I remember because it all most killed me and nearly destroyed my practice.”
Dr. Wang was admitted to the hospital, treated for dehydration.
When the doctor was released the next day, he returned to his medical office only to find that it had sustained significant smoke and water damage when the fire department extinguished a fire started by an unattended scented candle.
“Fortunately, my Hall of Fame and signed copy of my Al Green CD were spared,” said Dr. Wang, as he gently put the picture back up on the wall. “You know, he’s the only baby named after me out of all the mothers I treated. Yeah, she calls him her ‘Little Wang’. Isn’t that nice? So nice.”
Copyright © 2008-2012 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.