Comedian and actress, Tina Fey, stunned everyone today when at a press conference that she called for, announced her support for the teenaged singing sensation, Justin Bieber in his paternity suit filed against him by a 20-year-old woman, alleging that he is the father of her 3-month-old child.
“Listen everybody,” said Tina Fey as she stood at the podium, her hand shaking a little. “This is not easy for me. I’m a mother for God's sake.”
Tina Fey then stepped back from the podium, asking for a glass of water.
After a few minutes, she regained her composure and continued with the press conference.
“And it’s because I’m a mother,” Tina Fey continued right from where she left off. “That I cannot stand idly by and watch…”
Tina Fey stepped back from the podium again. But this time to signal her assistant to bring out a giant poster of a smiling Justin Bieber, placing it on a stand beside her.
“And watch this fine young man be attacked by that 20-year-old [BLEEP]!” said Tina Fey. “I’m sorry. I’m a little upset.”
Tina Fey paused a moment as she asked for another drink of water, quickly spiting it out.
“Who put water in there?” Tina Fey asked her assistant. “Never mind.”
Once again, after regaining her composer, Tina Fey resumed her position at the podium, addressing the media.
“I guess there’s no other way to say what I’m about to say to you, except just to come right out and say it,” said Tina Fey with a nervous giggle. “Now, what I’m about to say to you will shock you, but I have to say it. I just hope you won’t think any less of me afterwards. It was a one-time thing. Believe me, I’m no slut.”
Tina Fey then pulled out a copy of the Bieber paternity court documents.
“Now, I know for a fact that, that [BLEEP] is lying,” said an obviously obsessed Tina Fey, waving the court pleadings in the air. “See? Right here, she claims Justin Bieber told her she was his first. And that’s impossible, because he told me I was his first.”
Tina Fey paused, nodding her head before continuing.
“That’s right,” said Tina Fey. “I was Justin Bieber’s first. Eat your hearts out, girls. I, Tina Fey, took away his virginity. One Saturday night, live. Now for the rest of his love life, he’ll be comparing y'all hoes to me.”
A reporter then stood up interrupting Tina Fey’s fist pumping with a question.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Fey,” said the reporter. “Mrs. Fey! Mrs. Fey!”
“What?” replied an irritated Tina Fey, as if rudely awoken from a trance.
“Isn’t it possible that Justin Bieber was feeding you and the young lady in the paternity suit a pickup line?” asked the reporter. “You know, just to get older women to sleep with him?”
Tina Fey’s demeanor changed almost immediately.
“Damn that lying little piece of [BLEEP],” said Tina Fey turning to the giant poster of the smiling Bieber, grabbing it off its stand and ripping it up. “I can’t believe I fell for that line, again. When will I ever learn?!”
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.
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