Saturday, November 5, 2011

Suze Orman’s Dec. 21, 2012 Financial Advice for the Post-Apocalyptic Investor

Denver, Colorado –

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m still bullish on shotgun shells and canned goods,” said Suze Orman during a live podcast from inside her reinforced bunker, carved into a Colorado mountainside. “But I’d be a fool if I didn’t prepare to clean up on some of those stocks that will be at absolutely rock bottom prices the day after the apocalypse.”

“Now you maybe asking yourself,” said Orman. “‘But Suze, how do I place a buy order if my broker is dead? And food, water and sex are the only acceptable medium of exchange in the future?’ Easy, do it now.”

Suze Orman then introduced her podcast audience to a new type of stock certificate.

“Notice the activation date printed on the bottom,” said Suze, holding up the financial instrument to the webcam.

It read: “Not Valid Until December 22, 2012 (The Day After the Apocalypse or Hell Freezes Over, whichever comes first).”

“Now, you maybe wondering,” Suze continued, setting the document aside. “What did I trade for this piece of an uncertain future? Well, I’m proud to say. Only one 6oz can of tuna and two 8oz bottles of water. And what did I get for it in exchange, you might ask? How about, a little peace of mind? I just pray, there isn’t a margin call. Or my broker will be getting a little piece of my [BLEEP].”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.

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