After a smear campaign to blame Garfield’s love of lasagna for his sudden eruption, while being inflated before the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day parade began, a balloon autopsy has revealed the real cause: one too many Philly Cheesesteaks.
Garfield’s balloon handlers quickly confessed to their failed cover-up story, shortly after parade officials called in the police to investigate the incident.
The balloon handlers said to police that they were tired of living in the shadow of New York’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. And devised the cover-up story to protect the reputation of the nation’s oldest, which dates back to 1920, the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day parade.
“Why should New York get all the glory?” said one balloon handler as he was hauled away by police in handcuffs. “We started it all.”
Garfield’s balloon handlers said they had been partying the night before and ordered Philly Cheesesteaks in an attempt to sober up quickly.
“We had so many sandwiches leftover,” said a balloon handler. “And we didn’t want to throw them away.”
So the balloon handlers thought to place them inside Garfield for safekeeping, planning to retrieve them later after the parade.
“I guess we drank a little more than we thought,” said a balloon handler. “Because it really sounded like a good idea at the time.”
After stuffing the blow-up cartoon feline effigy with Philly Cheesesteaks, the balloon handers proceeded to inflate him with helium.
“He began to bellow almost immediately,” said one balloon handler.
The giant Garfield balloon was not even a third of the way into being inflated when it began to swell up to full capacity on its own.
“I guess it was the extra cheese we ordered,” shouted out a Garfield balloon hander from the back of a police cruiser.
Suddenly, Garfield exploded. Sending submarine sandwich shaped projectiles in the air.
Fortunately, the flying Philly Cheesesteaks struck only a few early birds that lined the parade route. Some resulting in injuries so serious that they required hospitalization.
“However, the injuries sustained were non-life threatening,” said police. “All for strained vocal cords, due to over exposure to helium.”
“If Garfield would have exploded later, during the parade,” parade officials speculated. “The causalities of high-pitched squeaky voices could have been in the thousands and unbearable.”
Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.