Charlie Sheen’s "Two and a Half Men" to be Turned into a Reality TV Show?

Hey Charlie!
No. Not you, the other Charlie
Hollywood, California --


The absence of Charlie Sheen, the troubled star of the popular CBS sitcom, Two and a Half Men, has had more than a temporary impact on the employment of the show’s other stars and crew, as producers have decided to put the show on hold, again -- This time for a month.

For it seems, again, that Sheen’s wild lifestyle, mirroring that of his TV character, Charles Francis or “Charlie” on the show has now permanently put the jobs of the show’s writers in jeopardy. As network executives have lodged a complaint with the Writers Guild of America (WGA) demanding that the scripted comedy be reclassified as a reality TV show. As a result, the writers will be offered new contracts, and not at union scale.

“That’s it,” said Chris Martinez, a Two and Half Men writer who asked not to be identified. “I’m gonna kill him – Charlie Sheen’s character “Charlie” on the show, I mean.”

Network executives deny their action is related to the assault on unions, which is currently being openly waged in Wisconsin.

Industry experts concur that if the WGA agrees to the reclassification of the show that the effects could be far-reaching, negatively impacting Charlie Sheen and other independently contracted actors as well.

“Our attorneys are looking into suing Charlie Sheen for back wages paid out to him but not earned,” said a spokesman for the network. “And of course as a reality TV star, he will be paid substantially less in the future.”

If the lawsuit against Charlie Sheen is successful, the studio could stand to recover millions of dollars and save millions more.

According to the show’s producers, Charlie Sheen was often intoxicated, while he portrayed his character “Charlie” that was supposed to be intoxicated.

“We all wondered how he played a drunk so well,” said a stagehand. “And to think we thought he was method acting.”

Should the network win its appeal with the WGA, the show will return to the air later next month as scheduled, but retooled to fit the increasingly popular reality TV format.

“The Two and a Half Men viewing audience shouldn’t notice any change,” assured producers. “Cameras will still be rolling, following Charlie around. Just not on the studio lot but in his real home. The only difference, if any, is that Charlie will not be portraying his fictional character ‘Charlie’ on the show, but himself, Charlie. Which we’re counting that the audience will be unable to detect, or distinguish from."

“Maybe I’ll have him contract a disfiguring STD,” continued Martinez, as he sat at a sidewalk café, typing away on his laptop computer still on hiatus. “Or I’ll have him meet up with a jealous ex-husband in a dark alley. Either one would be poetic justice and too good for him. I know. I’ll simply have him crushed to death by a piano that falls out of the sky for no particular reason. Now that would poetic justice and ironic. Wait, wait. I got it! I’ll have him meet up with a beautiful fatal attraction type chick that has a disfiguring STD and works as a piano mover. Yeah, that’s it!”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Robert W. Armijo. All rights reserved.


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